Archive for May, 2006

I received the following email today. Looks like The Summer of Benny has generated an admirer. Daddy likey.

Benny,

Someone was talking about your website at the gym and I’m glad I found it. I am in love with you and your sense of humor. Will you marry me? I’m divorced, but got a HUGE settlement b/c he decided to leave and let me keep the 8,000 sf home with a pool. Can I hire you to entertain me at the pool while I’m not at the gym this summer? I don’t work either, so I see a 2 piece puzzle fitting nicely together here. I’m bored and sick of all my friends that work and or have kids. Quiet please.

Let me know if you’re interested in having a “part time _ _ _ _ job” this summer. He, he!
Love,
Kate

Niro

One day after making a post to complain about children at the pool, my buddy Niro stops by for a swim with his three boys. To hide their identity, they will be known only as the 3-man wrecking crew.

Before I begin my day, I think I may have to drop off the kids at the pool.

Benny

While most people used today to recover from the weekend and get ready for work on Tuesday, I decided to add one more day to the bender.

“I drink alone.”
-George Thorogood

It actually wasn’t much fun. I stopped drinking Budweisers around 5:00 and switched to Gatorade.

The pool was full of kids and better not be a prelude to what weekdays will be like this summer. I like kids but when you have to spend all day watching your language and dodging pee, it takes some of the fun out of it.

Speaking of pee, Tom d G had the quote of the weekend. Sitting on the pool steps about four feet from Michelle, he asked her if they had enough “separation” between them to pee. Appalled by the question, she stood up without responding and went into the restroom where most civilized people tend to urinate. Oh, and sofas, recliners, beds, etc. are also acceptable pee places dependent upon who you are.

I’ve had a few requests for a web cam but don’t know where I would put it. I see no benefit to the site by having a web cam catch me getting out of the shower every morning. Okay, every other morning.

Peace.

Benny

Sorry, no pic today. I was deep into day four of the bender which looks like it might stretch into five.

Today was spent like the previous days, at the pool. The Who’s Who of The Lou were present. B-Ryan, Tommy Tutone, Danielle, Abby, Tory, Luke, Stephanie, Issac, Doug, Jay, Jay II, Valerie, Kelly, Brokeback Brock, etc… I’m probably leaving a few out but you get the picture.

We drank beers in the pool and discussed politics and other news of the day and how they affected our lives. That is a lie. We debated which store has the best beer prices.

I went to a dating service and they asked me what I like to do for fun. I told them I liked to smoke cigars and go to the track. They set me up with some guy named, Lou.
-Uncle Larry Reeb

Rumor Mill and Celebrity News: Brittney kicks K-Fed out of the house? Brad and Agelina have a new baby? Vince and Jennifer engaged? All three stories will be added to my “Who Gives a Rat’s Ass” page.

Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K.  I gotta say it was a good day.

Benny

Kiss

The cup is purposely hiding the kiss…

I don’t want to hear about the summer solstice. The official first day of summer was today and arguably, the funnest day of the year.

I added a photo page to the website which contains pictures from the pool today. The hotties were out in full force. I feel sorry for the women at the pool who are forced to hide their natural lust yearning inside them as they watch me take off my shirt.

The sad thing is that I don’t remember taking some of these pictures due to excessive Bud Light intake. Day three of a 4 day bender can get rough.

I didn’t watch any news so I have nothing to make fun of today. The same will probably be true for tomorrow but sometimes you can’t do it all. Typing this blog everyday has me feeling like Doogie Howser.

Today’s post is short and not that funny but I have to get my meat ready for the day. Bender Day #4 will include grilling.

Fabio

A special thanks to Doug O. from St. Louis who generously donated $30 to The Summer of Benny. I was instructed to spend the donation “only on beer, hopefully in the interest in luring more babes to our pool.”

Daddy was drunk yesterday. I passed out around 9:00 after spending the most of the day drinking bud lights at the pool.

There was a red alert here yesterday afternoon. I had just finished my business on the toilet and realized I was out of toilet paper. I had more rolls in the closet but this would require the penguin walk. Now I’ve dated women who had extra rolls of toilet paper laid out and accessible. I just never to seem to have the room next to my Kentucky Derby collector glassware set and gigantic jug of Gold Bond nut powder.

How can Japanese people be so good at building cars and so horrible at driving them?

Speaking of immigrants, I was thinking today about the proposed wall along the Mexican border. My first reaction is how it might affect the prices of landscaping, tacos and weed. Think it through is all I am saying.

I’m heading to the pool.

BUnit

Ah, a day at the pool.

Pictured are Rachael, Brian, and Jake. Jake originally wanted to be called Jake the Fish. Then he requested, Jake the Snake. Finally, he decided that he wanted to be known only as “Jake”.

I went to the pool loaded with a cooler full of Bud Light. I spent the afternoon drinking, listening to 80’s music, and peeing in the pool. As I relaxed in the water, someone inquired about the water temperate. I replied that it was 98.6 degrees around me. They changed their minds about swimming and left.

Around 7:30, I went to Ozzie’s with Isaac and Stacy. Isaac is a huge Detroit Pistons fan. I think the NBA is nothing more than carjackers wearing shorts.

Rap Music is a bigger oxymoron than Jumbo Shrimp.

Finally, I am bitter about the web hosting customer service and am going to bed.

I plan on doing much the same tomorrow.

Daddy likey.

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