“Opie! Andy! Supper!”
-Aunt Bee

Well, Taylor Hicks is your new American Idol. I have to admit the only time I watch the show is the last hour of the finale. Prince was a big surprise tonight. Even though I think he’s a frickin’ weirdo, he can still bring down the house. I also love last year’s winner, Carrie Underwear. Because of her commercials, I now eat at least one Hershey Bar a day.

How many Americans can name the two American Idol finalists but not the new White House Press Secretary? My guess is 95%.

I don’t think Ryan Seacrest is gay but I’m pretty sure his boyfriend is. That’s not my joke…I saw some butt plug wearing these words on his tee-shirt at a B-52’s concert last year.

Man, the day goes by fast when you get started in the afternoon. As I left a meeting at 3:30, I noticed two girls in the next office waving to me as I walked by. I popped in and they apologized because they thought I was the attorney from the connecting office. I could have been an attorney but I was wearing shorts, a tie-dye shirt, and flip-flops. Anyway, I told Toni C. at Realty Services I would mention her on today’s blog.

When I got home, I called the web hosting company to complain about the appearance of my blog. They are looking into the situation and promised to get back to me. I love it when you can call a customer service number and actually speak with a live person immediately.

Around 9:15 PM, Tom stopped by because he had asked me to record the last hour of Idol and wanted to watch it. He was unable to see it live because he was playing sand volleyball. There are so many jokes here but I prefer to work for them. As a footnote, Tom brought his own chair. He said he refuses to sit in urine.

I apologize for calling it a day but I have to get up at 7:30 in the morning for an interview. If one of you nut jobs would pay my rent for the summer, I could sleep in.

Daddy made whiskey and he made it well
Cost two dollars and it burned like hell
I cut hick’ry to fire the still
Drink down a bottle and you’re ready to kill
-Grateful Dead

Night.

Benny 

Today started with a 9:00 Doctor appointment which meant I had to set my alarm. Something I don’t like doing. The co-pay for the visit was a whopping $50. I’m not a stock market magnate but it wouldn’t surprise me if all health insurance companies were rated as Strong Buys.

Afterwards, I went for a tan and grabbed some lunch at home. I knew I should have worked out after lunch but I was craving something sweet so I cruised down to a local establishment that specializes in deserts. The lady behind the counter was African-American, and I have to admit I was a little uncomfortable ordering an Oreo Kiss from her. But, it looked good, and I did. I hit the gym about an hour later.

If you haven’t been to the main terminal at Lambert Airport lately, construction has reduced the amount of short-term parking spots to around 50. I was running late and having a difficult time finding a place to park. I noticed an empty handicap spot and asked a policeman if being unemployed and broke constituted being handicapped. He reached for his nightstick and my search continued.

Later in the night, I spoke to my buddy, Niro. He said he had just bought a gallon of water from Wal-Mart for $1. He was curious why there hasn’t been an uproar over the price of Wal-Mart water like there has been with gasoline. Oil is discovered and siphoned from the middle of the Earth using massive drilling equipment, transported thousands of miles to the US in gigantic shipping vessels, converted to gasoline in enormous refineries, and shipped by tanker trucks to your local gas station. If that cost $2.80 a gallon, why does water pouring from a faucet in Bentonville, Arkansas cost a buck?

When I was just a baby my momma told me son
Always be a good boy don’t ever play with guns
But I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die
When I hear that whistle blowin’ I hang my head and I cry
-The Man in Black

Benny

My buddy Red called me a 21st century bum earlier today. I disagree with this analogy because I am actually going to do something positive with every donation. He may have been upset because he had just endured his first physical as a 40 year old and got the ol’ rubber glove up the dirt chute.

Today’s picture is of my trash can. Yes, it has been emptied but house work had been put on hold since Saturday due to the website and excessive drinking.

Well I was rollin down the road in some cold blue steel
I had a blues man in back, and a beautician at the wheel
We going downtown in the middle of the night
We laughing and Im jokin and we feelin alright
Oh Im bad, I’m nationwide
Yes Im bad, I’m nationwide
- ZZ Top

Peace out. 

Benny

I went to Jane’s today to get the digital camera and got home around 1:30 in the afternoon. I went to the pool to discuss ideas for the website with a few friends.

Abby broke the tension by telling us that she had been kicked out of a bar the previous night. When I asked why, she replied that she had “served herself.” I told her that was funny because earlier that morning, I had served myself. I don’t know what that means.

I got home around 5:00 and caught the last half of Hooper, a movie that came out in 1978. It has a great cameo from Terry Bradshaw. Thankfully, he kept his clothes on in this film.

I watched The Sopranos and then fell asleep to Skinemax.

Three weeks to Entourage. Victory!

Regards,
Johnny Drama 

A very special thank you to Christina O. from Nevada for making the first donation to The Summer of Benny. I used the donation to buy a 30-pack of Natty Light.

Today was spent mostly at the pool with friends. I drank half of Christina’s donation and grilled meat.

We watched The Preakness and the Cardinals/Royals game. If anyone found a way to play a Barbaro/Royals parlay, you can have the rest of my beer.

What is going on in New Orleans? Nagin gets re-elected? Unbelievable. Is there anything more annoying than watching a Jesse Jackson interview? He was on one of the cable news channels expressing his support for Nagin. Shocker.

Tomorrow will most likely be spent pool side again. I am meeting my friend, Jane, who is donating a digital camera to the website. In exchange, she would like the world to know that she has a sweet butt.