A storm spoiled my plans last evening -  pool, beer, steak, TV, blog, bed.

There are two things you can enjoy during a blackout.  Drinking and sex.  Last night, I was forced to do one by myself.

It is crazy hot.  I’m sweating like Mike Tyson at a Spelling Bee. 

Happy Birthday, Abby.

Back to the lecture at hand.  Yesterday, I went to get a haircut but the only stylist available was a dude.  And by dude, I mean homo. 

Look, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it.  I just don’t want some guy cutting my hair.  Sorry.  I guess it used to be cool to go to a barber shop in the old days.  Hell, I would love to go to a barber for a haircut and shave as long as the guy cutting my hair is named Floyd and we’re talking sports.

Now, if the guy has a mullet and parachute pants tucked into blue cowboy boots, then I’m going to pass and wait for the fat chick to get off break.

Riders on the Storm…

Benny

Nothing good can come from eating a 3-piece fish meal at Long John Silvers; nothing.  The same goes for country gravy.  

A buddy of mine recently ended his 8-year marriage.  He told me there were two sides to their divorce - His and the fu**ing bitch’s.

I miss the pet names I used to share with my ex-girlfriend.  She called me, ”Pumpkin”.  I called her, “My little lying, cheating, Paris Hilton wanna be, LA moving to, skanky little whore.” 

My fondest memory was waking up one morning and telling her how much I wanted her.  She complained that she had a gynecologist appointment later in the day and didn’t want to have sex because the Doctor would know and she would be embarrassed.  I asked her if she had a Dentist appointment.

I might like you better if we slept together.

Benny

Sorry for the delay in posting but for some reason I never have time to write during a weekend bender.

If you are a guy, and find yourself on a long road trip by yourself, there is only one way to make the time pass faster; a Road Sock.  Depending on your stamina, you can easily burn 20 minutes while pounding one out to Jessica Alba. 

I saw an interview with Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Diddy, or whatever the f**k he’s calling himself, now.  It got me to thinking about changing my name.  From now on, I want to be known as, “Sugar Dick Daddy with the Candy Nuts.”

Thanks to TJ for the heads up…  Some cool rockin’ dude has uploaded episodes of Entourage on YouTube.com.  They are usually split into three parts but I imagine you can find all of episodes if you look hard enough.  Here is a link to Aquamom, the first episode from Season 3.  Some of these may be named by the episode title, while others use the season and episode numbers.  Here’s a link to the episode guide on HBO.  This is an ideal way to spend your time at work, whether it’s during lunch or just wasting time before the weekend.

Happy Birthday to Tom.

I was watching Two and a Half Men tonight and overheard a great line from Charlie Sheen’s character.  “Dating a 22-year old is like being a good carpenter.  No wood gets wasted.”

It’s hotter than a June bride on a feather bed.  Why is it that every time there is a heat wave, some environmentalist attributes it to global warming?  If you grew up in the Midwest, there is a logical explanation for the rise in temperatures;  It’s fu**ing summer!

Their ain’t no cure for the Summertime Blues.

Benny

Pete Coors admitted to receiving a DUI in May.  WTF?  He said, “I made a mistake.”  No kidding.  If he had drank Budweisers, he would have been smart enough to call a cab.  Isn’t this the douche bag in the commercials, urging us to drink responsibly?  This guy needs a silver bullet up the dirt chute.

Some dumb whore in Oregon called 911 and asked to speak to “the cutest cop I’ve seen.”  If this had been me calling for a hot chick cop, I wouldn’t think it was so stupid.

I’ve noticed that whenever I post new pictures, the number of website hits goes up.  Frickin’ perverts.

Check out the Naughty American History website IF YOU ARE OVER 18!  It’s strip trivia.  Sweet.

Esera Tuaolo  is a former NFL defensive lineman that retired from football and then admitted he is a turd burgler.  He is playing football this weekend in the Gay Games for the Chicago Flames.   Shouldn’t the team name be the Flamers?

An unidentified woman won $21,584 on a $.10 superfecta bet.  Or what I like to call her, my dream girl.

I think drinking might be bad so I’m giving up thinking.

Benny

The problem with Baptists is they don’t hold them under the water long enough.

I found the O.  With three days of lead time, they went to Australia for a week without telling anyone.  I forgot another of Mr. O.’s tales from a couple of weeks ago.  On a Friday, he decides to take a Ferris Bueller day off and drives 4 1/2 hours to L.A., gets a part in a movie as an extra, meets Adam Corrolla, and then drives home.  I think there is more to the story but that’s still a hell of a sick day.

Speaking of down under, I overheard a girl the other night tell her friend that she was hungry.  I said that if she was hungry, I had a tube steak smothered in underwear.  Remind me, why am I still single?

I would introduce the girl I met last Saturday to my family but they are prejudice against whores.

Last night, I watched The Big Lebowski with Red and G-Man.  I hope everyone has seen this movie.  It always makes me want to drink white russians and walk around town in my robe.

F**k it dude.  Let’s go bowling.

Benny

Daddy pouring margaritas last weekend.  Mature as always.

Thanks to Dani-girl for the picture.  She emailed me a lot more and I will do my best to update the website by the end of the week. 

I cannot go #2 at work because the walls are too thin.  I’m not saying I scream when I poop but sometime natural noises occur and they can be loud at times.

I think my Mom is reading the blog because said she found the greatest little cooler for me that you freeze and it keeps your beer cold for 5 hours.  She said I may not like it because it only holds a 6-pack and doesn’t keep the beer ice cold like I like it.  Huh?  Reading my blog is the only explanation because she used to consider drinking a 6-pack over a weekend excessive and probably indicated a drinking problem.

If you haven’t heard about this story, a guy starts with a red paper clip and begins to trade it for larger items over the year until he is able to trade for his dream; a new house.  He just reached his goal.

Someone sent me an email asking if I could make these hyperlinks open in a new window.  The simple answer is no I can’t.  I can do this on my website but I am up to the mercy of the Yahoo! yahoos on the blog and they are about as responsive as an Anna Nicole Smith date.

Only in the city - I saw a car with curb feelers.  Sweet.

The MLB All-Star Game was on last night.  For some reason, the folks at FSN decided to show The Hooters Beauty Pagent at the same time.  When I say, “someone whacked it out of the park”, I’m not referring to the baseball game.

Ridin’ Dirty…

Benny 

Unbelievable.  A day after I post a comment complaining about the local electric company advertising on TV, they request a rate hike that would increase residential customer bills by an average of $6.00 per month.  MF, WTF?

Nick Lachey announced a 26-city tour, ending in St. Louis on October 26th.  Jody C. is out of town this week but I’m hoping he has internet access and is reading the blog.  I will do my best to keep you updated on ticket information.

If a gay man jumped on your back, would you beat him off?

Congress is schedule to vote on a bill Tuesday that would ban internet gambling.  Why don’t they just legalize this crap like the UK?  The government would reap billions in new revenue and gamblers wouldn’t have to deal with companies located overseas.  Like Niro always says, “You can’t legislate morality.” 

I gave up on gambling.  I’m so unlucky, if I fell into a bucket of tits, I’d come out sucking my thumb.

Pirates of the Caribbean raked in $135.6 million over the weekend.  That is the biggest opening since James Cameron’s Aquaman. 

Over the weekend, I saw a group of middle-Eastern men, and a few of them were smoking two cigarettes at the same time.  Now, this is the kind of the customers the tobacco industry needs.

Let’s swim to the moon, uh-huh.  Let’s climb thru the tide.  Penetrate the evenin’ that the city sleeps to hide.  Let’s swim out tonight, love.  It’s our turn to try.  Parked beside the ocean, on our moonlight drive.

Benny