Here’s a chick that can’t stand being away from the Summer of Benny.
Paramount Pictures has severed its ties with Tom Cruise. Apparently, jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch and demeaning Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants caught up with him.Â
Why is Scientology against medications, anyway? Viagra, for example, has helped a lot of men’s sex lives. I’ve never had a problem pitching a tent but I asked my Doc for a 6-pack sample, just in case. He told me I wouldn’t realize the full affect until the third dose.
Dose 1: Called a girl I was dating and told her to come over with bad intentions. The medicine was okay but I really didn’t notice a difference. However, I did sit on the couch and giggle while waiting for it to kick in.
Dose 2:Â Same girl; drunk night (i.e. don’t remember).
Dose 3: Same girl; fight night. We had gotten into an argument over the weekend which was entirely her fault. Anyway, the week passed and she came over Friday evening. She was going out of town the next morning and we both agreed it would be nice to see each other. As the night progressed (i.e. wine consumed), I noticed her chuckling at a few of my wise ass comments. I translated this to mean the fight was over and a night (minutes) of passion was on the horizon; my mistake.
I popped a boner pill around 9:30 PM. At 9:50, she informed me that she was going to bed and went to brush her teeth. There I am, standing behind her in the mirror, brushing my own. I followed her to bed and was asked what the hell my problem was. I tried multiple moves but to no avail. She fell asleep and I was in for a long night. At 4:30 in the morning, I thought I was going to have to stand on my head to pee.
She awoke Saturday morning to find me staring at her (think Burger King commercial). I made a confession and she called me an idiot. Idiot or not, I was still sporting wood and needed to get the poison out. A few minutes of negotiation yielded me doing all of the work while she whispered dirty words in my ear. Deal.
I spent a couple of hours at the pool last night with two couples in their mid-20s. The subject of sex came up and I asked “JR” if his lady had ever caught him boxing the bald-headed champ. I didn’t expect the onslaught of comments from his girlfriend who detailed specific incidents as recently as last weekend.Â
Porsche – There is no substitute.
Benny