Sideways

Let’s recap the weekend and see if we learned anything…

Friday Night
We picked up Janae from the airport and made it to Nino’s in Westport by 9:45.  Doug O. had met a new lady friend who obviously didn’t dig our sense of humor. 

I didn’t ask, but I’m sure she hated the television show, “Seinfeld” and the movie, “Dumb and Dumber”; two signs that you are dealing with an empty personality plate.

She decided to call it an early night (shocker), and left with Doug around 10:30.  I talked Dena and Janae into going over to the Trainwreck and catch the live band.  Talking these two into going to another bar is like asking a hillbilly if they want to go to Wal-Mart.

We met a girl who was sitting at the bar by herself.  She was in town on business and thought it was appropriate to put our drinks on her expense account.  I’ve never taken advantage of expense reports, but who am I to judge?  I ordered a couple of Bud Lights, a shot of Cuervo, and took the seat next to her.

The bar closed, and we made our way home to get some rest before the winery trip.

Saturday
The bus departed for the winery at 10:00 AM.  The hour and a half ride was extended by 45 minutes due to a Map Quest error.  At least, this was the bus driver’s excuse.  I’ve never fancied myself as an explorer, but turning a large coach bus onto a gravel road with nothing in sight seemed to be the wrong move.

For some, the longer ride meant more time to enjoy the beautiful views of the fall foliage.  For others, it meant an opportunity to drink cold beer before being forced to drink nothing but Missouri wine for the rest of the day.

The afternoon is still a little hazy, but I do remember making out with a cute girl in the vineyard.  I will not divulge her name, age, or any description that might help identify her.  She seems like a sweet girl that probably doesn’t need to be associated with the knucklehead who runs this website.  And by knucklehead, I mean me.  I will say that I had fun.

The ride home seemed like minutes instead of hours.  This is probably because I was either asleep or still trying to talk the cute girl into coming over to my place for a nightcap. 

Sunday
I woke up with the television tuned to Cinemax, and it didn’t take long to figure out how the previous night had ended; home alone, watching soft porn.

I also discovered that I was missing my cell phone and sunglasses.  Somehow, I managed to leave them on the bus, but the cooler of beer made it home.  Priorities…

Anyway, I went to Dena’s because I thought she might have a clue on the whereabouts of my lost items.  Luckily, she did.  However, I was forced to endure a 15-minute lecture on how I shouldn’t take advantage of drunk girls.  I didn’t get her point, but was able to recover my cell phone and glasses.

A few of us went to Ozzie’s to watch football in the afternoon.   By the end of the early games, it was time to go home and take a nap.  Besides, the World Series was on later that night, and we all needed a little rest before partying again.

I am not drinking any f — Merlot!

Benny