Stuck In The Middle With You

I appeared in court today to answer charges in violation of City Ordinance 62971 (Conduct on Public Transportation).  In layman’s terms, I am accused of not having valid proof of paid fare on the light rail system.

After consulting a bottle of Crown Royal last night, I decided to plead not guilty by reason of insanity.

As I sat in the pew (are they called pews in a courtroom?), I glanced at the people sitting around me.  The guy to my left hadn’t showered in weeks.  I know this because he looked like Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons, and smelled like my trash can.  The guy seated to my right looked like he was coming down from a weeklong meth binge.  And the guy behind me was scratching a lottery ticket. 

Good times.

After a fifteen minute wait, the bailiff announced that the judge would not be in court for at least another hour.  I took the continuance they offered, and got the hell out of Dodge.

Metrosexuality is not my forte, but since it’s the holidays, here’s a grooming tip for the guys.  After you shower, blow-dry your balls, and then apply Gold Bond medicated powder to your nut sack.  This should keep you feeling fresh all day. 

The only caveat is having your lady go down on you.  They usually don’t like to taste talcum powder when they’re doing you a favor, although Listerine Strips add a nice touch. 

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.

Benny