Message In A Bottle

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my birthday party last weekend.  Thanks for all of the kind emails and letters (sarcasm).   Sorry Red, but sending a text message to my cell phone telling me to “f**k off” does not constitute well wishes.

Since my birthday was on Saturday, I started drinking at 5:00 on Friday, well, because that’s how I roll. 

I ate sushi with Chickie Poo around 7:00, and sat next to none other than Big Game Tory Holt from the St. Louis Rams.  While they were waiting for the check, one of his kids asked for a word they could spell.

I said, “Chiefs.”

Big Game shot me a dirty look, and gave the kid another word.  It might have been “fumble”, but I can’t remember.

A few minutes later, one of his boys said that he had to “poop.”  His siblings laughed, and they all went to the bathroom giggling.  This proved something that I’ve said for years – kids always laugh at poop.

Speaking of kids, we met up with Crowe Dog, George, and his 20-year old girlfriend at Houlihan’s after dinner.  We drank a couple of beers, and ventured down to Cicero’s to catch Jake’s Leg. 

I must have consumed more sake than I thought at the sushi bar, because I called a cab as soon as they started their second set.  And by called a cab, I mean I argued with three drivers over the fare until Chickie Poo threw me in the back seat of the fourth.  I made a few derogatory remarks about rap music, and passed out.

Saturday’s activities have been sealed until the grand jury convenes next month.  Sufficed to say that I won’t be running for public office anytime soon.

Never send a woman for an oil change. 

It’s official – The Police will be the opening act for the GRAMMYs on February 11th at 8 p.m. (ET/PT).  That’s 7:00 to those of us living in the nation’s heartland.

The next time you sit next to a guy on a plane that won’t leave you alone, follow these instructions:

1.  Quietly and calmly open your laptop case.
2.  Remove your laptop.
3.  Boot it.
4.  Make sure the guy who won’t leave you alone can see the screen.
5.  Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
6.  Then, play this.

K-Fed Super Bowl Commercial Leaked

This couple uses role play to enhance their sex lives.  (Warning: Contains strong sexual content.)

Seems I’m not alone in being alone.

Benny