Does food go bad after it’s been in the freezer for four days without electricity?  I don’t whether it does or not, but I just ate a chicken breast with these credentials. 

I guess the worst case scenario is that I get a nasty case of diarrhea and lose five pounds.  At least that’ll put one of my New Year’s resolutions back on track.  Anyone know the Knicks score?

A girl once asked me if I ever cry.  Yes, I cry.  And if you ever want to see me cry, just play rap music.

Watch this guy cry on American Idol last night.  (Warning: The website contains links to adult sites.)

The internet never ceases to amaze me.  Sites like the one above somehow know my zip code, and offer ways to meet hot single chicks in my area.  Thank you, Al Gore. 

Now, if we can just do something about global warming.  Gas emissions caused an ice storm over the weekend, and I’m currently freezing my ass off.

Wii Sex - Yikers.com (a little racy.)

Jimmy’s Blog on SI.com has The Most Unforgettable Music Performances in sports history (1/17/07). - Thanks, Dave B.

iPhone Commercial - Conan

Listen to a news anchor drop the F-Bomb. - (Warning: Contains profanity.)

I love Carmen Electra, and I’m not sure why, but this time it feels different.

So let’s get to the point, let’s roll another joint.  Let’s head on down the road.  There’s somewhere I gotta go.

Benny

What a frickin’ joke.  A splattering of ice on Friday night and the electricity’s out for four days.  Adding insult to injury, the power came back on late this afternoon, and the only thing on TV tonight is American Idol.  

Like the gals at Tokyo Sauna used to say - “Suckie, fu**ie, ten buckie.”

Paula Abdul’s curious appearance on a Seattle morning news show.

Rejected Super Bowl ad for Booble.com. 

Smoker owned by co-worker.

Mad TV - Drunken President.  The bedroom looks eerily familiar.

Cracked.com has 8 Important Lessons Learned from ’80s Cartoons.

Smirnoff: Tea Partay.

“You’re a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what’s your pleasure?  Is it the salty snacks you crave?  No no no no no, yours is a sweet tooth.”

Benny

Thanks to the third blackout since August, The Summer of Benny won’t be updated until tomorrow.

Have you ever farted so loud in bed that the dog woke up and started barking?

Me neither.

No offense Dani-girl, but you have some serious catching up to do.

A picture of Crowe Dog taken the morning after his birthday bash last weekend.

Watch this Amateur Pole Dancer take a dive. - Thanks, Scott B.

Saddam’s cat  - Thanks, Tory K.

Going where the climate suits my clothes. 

Benny

Find Mattie the lost dog, and receive a $25,000 reward.  A couple from Michigan were visiting St. Louis, and little Mattie went AWOL after their car was stolen. 

I hadn’t thought about this joke in years, but heard it this morning on the radio. 

A farmer has 500 hens but no rooster, so he goes to his neighbor and asks if he could buy a rooster for $100.  The neighbor says, “You can have this rooster.”  His name’s Brewster and he’ll fertilize all your hens.  He’s a real stud.”

So the farmer takes him home and says, “Brewster, It’s your first day so take it slow, okay?”  The farmer puts Brewster the Rooster in the hen house, and then hears all the hens crying and yelling.  Brewster nails every single one of the hens, and then nails a duck and a goose in the pond for fun.

The next morning, the farmer finds Brewster lying on his back, legs sticking in the air, and vultures circling overhead.  The farmer says, “Brewster, I told you to take it easy.  Now look at you.  You’re dead.”

Brewster says, “Shhh.  They’re about to land.”

Man sells dog for beer. - Thanks, Michael O.

Blackuweather’s Ollie Williams beats the heat.

Bruce Dickinson: “Easy, guys… I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time.  Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.”

Benny

I figured everyone had already seen Adam Samberg and Justin Timberlake’s Dick in a Box from SNL so I didn’t put it up. 

Then, I saw a hot chick’s version last night- My Box in a Box.  Her video isn’t as funny, but she’s got a nice rack. 

(Warning: Both videos contain material that some may find offensive).

Watch the Firecracker Suicide Bomber.  What a frickin’ idiot.

Amateur Strippers stopped in a police chase.  Sweet.

NBC has started their own video site - DotComedy.com.  You can see “Dick in a Box” here once YouTube yanks it.  Heh, heh, I said yank it.

Who the f**k is Mr. Blackwell?  A male fashion guru usually means one thing to me - homo. 

How can Britney Spears share the Worst Dressed of the Year Award with Paris Hilton?  He obviously didn’t figure Britney’s beaver into the equation.  (Warning: Contains nudity).  One man’s trash is another man’s spank treasure.

Thanks to all who have subscribed to the email updates.  This will prevent you from having to check the website to see if my drunk ass has made new posts.

Some alcoholics spend their entire lives recovering.  I’m usually good by noon.

I promise that I’ll run away with you.

Benny

I bought hotdogs and buns at the grocery store this weekend, and was glad to see the hotdog and bun people are finally working together.  Both items now come in equal packages of eight. 

Stupidity Tax Offense: Putting ketchup on a hotdog. - Cha Ching. - $10.

“Nah, this stuff isn’t getting to me — the shootings, the knifings, the beatings… old ladies being bashed in the head for their social security checks. Nah, that doesn’t bother me. But you know what does bother me? You know what makes me really sick to my stomach? It’s watching you stuff your face with those hot dogs. Nobody… I mean nobody puts ketchup on a hot dog.” - Detective Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) in Sudden Impact.

Is Tom d G in New York?  “It’s the protein.”

Dani-girl kisses Abby on New Year’s Eve.  I’ve always admired the way Abby holds her beer.  And by beer, I mean beer bottle.

How not to socialize with co-workers.  (Warning: Contains profanity).

A note to the chickie poo who left half of her McFlurry in my freezer: I nuked it, poured the melted contents into the sink, and used it as a spit cup. 

My new favorite sports reporter.

This would get me to the gym every day.  (Warning: Contains nudity).

The Winner of the 2006 “That’s not my job” award. - Thanks, Tory K.

Students at Ivy League universities are hosting naked parties.  What’s the big deal?  I went to a college in southwest Missouri and my fraternity had naked parties all the time.  We called them sorority mixers.

But I look at you pants and I need a kiss.

Benny