Happy Birthday, Crowe Dog.

As promised, I am putting a link to select your buddy’s girlfriend to the 2007 Las Vegas NBA All-Star Dance Team.

 Vote for Becky, by clicking on “Cast Your Vote Now.”  Be sure to choose her name, and hit the submit button.

Her boyfriend is Woody who is a high school buddy of Crowe Dog. 

Woody plays basketball overseas for a living, and dates a Los Angeles Lakers Cheerleader.  How sweet is that?

After looking at her picture, I have a woody.

Benny

A friend recently told me that his girlfriend made him wait six months before having sex.  The only situation where this is acceptable is when your girlfriend is 17 1/2 years old. 

Stupidity Tax Offense: Someone getting ready to leave says, “I’m off like a prom dress.” - Cha Ching! - $10.

I used a customer’s bathroom today, and the douche bag that used it before me had pissed all over the toilet seat.  I didn’t want my customer to think I did it, but I most certainly wasn’t going to clean it.  So, I used my foot to lift the seat, drained the main vain, and left. 

This got me to thinking about people that truly annoy me.  This is just a small sampling, but I typically don’t get along with people who:

• prefer the soundtrack to “Beaches” over the Rolling Stones “Some Girls.”
• ask a question, and then answer it.  “Am I annoying when I do this?  Yes.”
• interrupt others when they are speaking. 
• watch The Nanny.
• don’t like Seinfeld.
• have no balls to speak up when they disagree.
• think they are always right, and then don’t admit when they are wrong.
• have Successories pictures hanging in their office.
• demand it is their civil right for a paid holiday on MLK’s Birthday, and then spend it playing craps at the casino.
• think Rap/Hip Hop is music.
• thought Howard Dean would have made a great President.
• answer a customer service call as “Frank” even though they are working in India, and representing a US corporation. 

This is about to get good.  Stay tuned.

Benny

I went to the gym this morning; yes, the gym.  There was a 20-something girl on the elliptical machine, so I jumped on the stationary bike next to her. 

Thankfully, I had my mp3 player because she was watching re-runs of The Nanny on the Lifetime channel.  WTF?  Of all the shows she could be watching in the morning, she chooses The Nanny?

This made me think of how little we probably have in common.  Of course, that could change with a case of beer, and a dark room.

I forgot to mention that Issac was in town over the weekend.  We watched the first half of the Rose Bowl, and then took a picture.

Nothing changes on New Year’s Day.

Benny

Another weekend of drunken debauchery…

On Friday, I met a few friends at Ozzie’s to watch the Oregon St/Mizzou football game.  Although the Tigers didn’t win the Sun Bowl, I took full advantage of the 24 oz. draft beer special.  I even managed to catch the first set of Jake’s Leg at Cicero’s later that night.  But I knew it was time to call a cab when I fell asleep at the bar clutching a $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Drinking Duration: 9 hours

I spent Saturday watching college football, and pounding more brews.  In the afternoon, I received a call from a buddy who recently got a new puppy.  He wanted to know if he should put the dog in the kennel while he stabbed the cat.  WTF? 

By the way, the correct answer is put the little f**ker in the cage because it will throw off your rhythm if you catch him watching.

Drinking Duration: 8 hours

New Year’s Eve came and trashed me out again.  I had plans with a chickie poo later that night, so I decided to pace myself.  And by pace myself, I mean drink at my regular pace beginning at noon. 

I watched the Chiefs make the playoffs, a fireworks show, made dinner with the chickie poo, and passed out around 10:00.  Benny’s Rockin’ Eve 2007.

Drinking Duration: 10 hours

Most people would have had enough by New Year’s Day.  But why waste the bottle of Champagne that didn’t get popped the previous night?  I decided to turn lemons into lemonade by grabbing a carton of orange juice, and making Mimosas.

This later turned into Margaritas, and eventually beer.  Beer again?  My Dad always said, “Dance with the lady who brung you.” 

Unfortunately, I fell asleep at 10:00, and missed the 2nd half of one of the greatest college football games of all-time.

Drinking Duration: 12 hours

Most experts would consider this amount of alcohol consumption as problem drinking; at a minimum.  They may be right, but I’m drinking a few cold ones tonight.  I consider this “maintenance.”

Dani-girl uploaded pictures from her New Year’s Eve.  She names the files; not me.

Jimmy Kimmel Show - One Year of Unnecessary Censorship.

Stephen Colbert from the Daily Show - Democrats lose the porn vote.

I sometimes wonder if there has ever been a sex addict that has masturbated during a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. 

I’m sure there has been countless number of people who have been drunk at AA meetings.  Or a guy who just snorted a couple of lines of booger sugar before walking into an NA meeting. 

I’m not making fun of 12-step recovery programs.  I’m just saying that being drunk and stoned are noticeable.  But you probably won’t ever know that the chick sitting across from you is flicking her bean under the table while thinking about getting it from behind.

Whispers at the bus stop.

Benny