Archive for March, 2007

I started having second thoughts after telling a professional acquaintance about my website.  But, I figure as long as he’s not Black, Jewish, Hindu, Indian (Tonto; not Dot), Gay, or a Democrat, he shouldn’t find this stuff too offensive. 

Dani-girl uploaded new pictures.  After seeing Crowe Dog’s chick, I realized one thing – he’s one hell of a salesman.

Jesse Jackson will vote for ObamaShocker.

Jimmy Kimmel – Sanjaya pretty much sucks at everything.

Streaking made easier with the Tear-Away Suit.

Swimming coach attacks his daughterFather of the Year.

Pee Wee Hockey Brawl

Guy volunteers to suck a fart out of a funnelWTF?

Checking out the booty

Donald Trump bitch slaps Vince McMahon during a press conference promoting Wrestlemania 23.

Get up, come on get down with the sickness.

Benny

I’m getting sick and tired of people calling me during the week and apologizing for not returning my call from the weekend when I don’t even remember leaving a message.  Beer.

I ate an Altoids before a sales call today.  Man, those things are curiously strong.

Guy skis down a huge escalator

Baby in Danger!

Chickie Poo game me her memory foam mattress topper.  Apparently, it’s easier to buy a new one than having to explain to her family how the large urine stain got there. 

Who am I to disagree?

Benny

I’m back after spending the weekend with my niece and nephew.  They like spending time with Uncle Benny, and apparently taking advantage of my lawlessness. 

They pick out a movie, White Chicks, and I fall asleep while they’re watching it.  I wake up to hear one of the actors saying something about shaving a vagina.  This is not something you want an 11 and 10 year old hearing, but they’re laughing anyway.  I look at the DVD box, only to discover that I chose the uncensored and uncut version.  Newman.

They also enjoyed ringing the doorbell of a few neighbors, and running back to my place.  They call this “Ding Dong Ditch”, but I called it something else when I was growing up.

St. Louis Cardinals T-shirt. – Thanks, Tory K.

Dennis Miller on bin Laden and WMD.

Chicks can be so jealous.

Mike Tyson is classic(Warning: Contains profanity.)

I’ve got a hankerin’ for some milk.

Classic TV – Chuckles the Clown funeral from the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Y’all got cocaine eyes.

Benny

I think I may drink too much because yesterday I told two waitresses I would mention them on the site. 

If you see Samantha at Hooters or Jenny at The Brew House, tell them I said, “What up?” 

I keep forgetting to tell the joke I heard last Saturday…What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day?  On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wishes they were Irish.

Erin go brawless.

I told a couple of women today that my taint was sore from walking three miles.  None of them knew what a taint was, although one of them asked if I was referring to my chode.

The topic of my taint quickly changed to movies.  Who hasn’t seen the movie Risky BusinessI must be getting old.

There aren’t many movies from 1990-present that I consider classics.  Three that come to mind as qualifiers are Ace Ventura-Pet Detective, Dumb and Dumber, and American Pie.

Five must see movies; pre-1990:

  1. Animal House
  2. The Blues Brothers
  3. Caddyshack
  4. Stripes
  5. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Larry “Bud” Melman, a regular on David Letterman has passed away.  Here’s a clip of him appearing on Letterman in 1994, which also happened to be Johnny Carson’s last TV appearance.

Teri Hatcher naked on Letterman

She’s no Ari, but she’s Vincent Chase’s new agent.

I’m used to seeing strippers at bachelor parties, but not weddings.

Me at the gym

Hooters is opening a restaurant in Israel.  Are chicken wings kosher? 

Ma and Pa look back on all the things they used to do.  They never had no money and they always told the truth.

Benny

Why does your metabolism slow down so much when you get older?  For the past month, I’ve been on a diet, worked out five days a week, and lost only ten pounds. 

I need to lose twenty more pounds before the summer, so I’m going to start using meth.  I’ve never seen a fat meth user.

I think this metabolism thing is one of God’s little tricks.  Kind of like having men reach their sexual peak at eighteen and women in their late 30’s.  That one’s brutal.

I’m typing tonight while Chickie Poo watches American Idol.  Ryan Seacrest is so gay.

Has anyone ever seen Crowe Dog and this guy in the same place?

Here’s a YouTube channel brought to you by http://www.mnf-iraq.com/, the official Web site of Operation Iraqi Freedom. – Thanks, Stephen K. serving in Iraq.

The media is always showing insurgent videos, but they seldom show things from our perspective.  And by our, I mean America.

Working at the car wash.  These girls do whatever you type.  I made them make out with each other.  Sweet.

These next two links are classic, but contain adult material.  Like the one above it doesn’t it?

What guys are really thinking

What guys are really thinking (new endings)

A T-shirt hanging off a dogwood branch.  That river was cold, but we gave love a chance.

Benny

As you can see, I didn’t write last night.  I couldn’t find the energy after a weekend spent drinking green beer and running to Linens ‘n Things for a bottle of Urine Gone.

Thankfully, Dani-girl uploaded pictures of her weekend.  She said that her boyfriend doesn’t mind her cheating, as long as it’s with another woman.

California rest in peace, simultaneous release.

More tomorrow…

Benny

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