Hey Nineteen
Today is the last day of my cycle. Yes, men have cycles too; cell phone billing cycles. A few months ago, I signed a new contract with my cell phone company, but failed to notice that if I exceed the minutes in my plan by three hundred, I get charged $.50 per minute thereafter. I […]
Just A Pinch Between Your Cheek And Gum
Chickie Poo was in town last night, so I didn’t have time to write. I will make a lengthier and immature post this evening, but in the meantime, ask yourself the following question. Have you ever been out of chewing tobacco, too tired to drive and get a new can, “re-dipped” by pulling a blob from the previous […]
Hotel California
I was at a convention a few years ago, which coincidentally, was the same convention that produced the Rickshaw Incident. This story occurred on day four. After three nights of excessive drinking and bed wetting, I walked back to my room for a quick nap before dinner. As I got closer, I noticed the housekeeping cart was parked […]
Surrender
Mother told me, yes, she told me I’d meet girls like you. She also told me, “Stay away, you’ll never know what you’ll catch.” Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that’s going round. Minus Imus in the morning… MSNBC won’t be simulcasting the Imus radio show effective immediately. What am […]
Close To Me
Crap, it looks like I’m not the father of Anna Nicole’s baby after all. How Imus got in trouble.  Why don’t Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson organize marches in their communities to protest the low high school graduation rates or high out-of-wedlock births? Sure, there’s no double standard between blacks and whites in the media. WTF? Imus producer Bernard […]
Unchained
Have you ever driven thirty miles to a sales call only to discover that your meeting was actually scheduled for the next day? Me neither. Geraldo versus Bill O’Reilly My favorite urinal and my favorite hotel. Thanks Dani-girl and Michael O. respectively. A prospective Denver Broncos cheerleader auditions on the first day of tryouts in Denver on March 25, […]
Happy Easter
I’ll be back on Monday after the Easter Holiday. Be careful out there because the Easter Bunny wants to kick your ass. Benny