This morning was weigh-in day.  My goal was to be down three pounds, so I shaved my chest and forearms last night.  I figured that would be worth a couple of pounds.  Nothing.  My weight was the same as the previous week.  I’m sure the lack of success had nothing to do with drinking myself into oblivion over the weekend.

While the clippers were out last night, I decided to give the pubes a little trim.  This turned out to be a bad move because I was out of Gold Bond nut powder.

Submission #1 to The Prankies - The Cat Fight

When email first came to our office in the mid-90’s, it didn’t take long to realize the power the new technology possessed. 

Two female co-workers, Nancy and Jane, were good friends.  One week, Nancy was on vacation which meant Jane had to cover both her and Nancy’s accounts.  The week was brutal on Jane, and she couldn’t wait for Nancy to return.

The following Monday, Nancy called in sick, and Jane was furious.  She went outside for a smoke, and I slid into her cubicle.  Once there, I typed an email which read something like, “I understand that people get sick.  But, when you’re off for an entire week and I have to deal with your irate customers, you should get off your FAT ASS and get back to work.”

Send. 

I was in the office early on Tuesday, anxiously waiting Nancy’s arrival.  We talked about her vacation as she booted her computer and checked her email.  Once she read Jane’s message, she stormed down the hall towards our manager’s office. 

The door slammed, and she exited about fifteen minutes later mad as hell.  He told her that he didn’t want to get involved, and the two of them should work it out.

Nancy told me several times during the day how mad she was at Jane for sending such a nasty email.

Jane asked me repeatedly if I knew why Nancy was being such a bitch to her. 

I comforted them both, hoping to see a cat fight. 

As the work day came to an end, I finally told them what I had done.  They vowed revenge, but nothing ever came to fruition.  Their friendship also seemed to fizzle.

Let it bleed…

KITT, the car from Knight Rider is for sale.  How much ass could you get driving around town in this?

Shyamali Malakar, sister of American Idol finalist Sanjaya and former competitor herself, is a Hooters girl.  Make sure to watch the video.  Bouncy…bouncy…daddy likey.

Yes, I’m a sack of broken eggs.  I always have an unmade bed.  Don’t you?

Benny

Chickie Poo moved on Monday, leaving behind a soiled mattress topper, a wet comforter, and a sad blogger. 

She also left something called a tart warmer.  I think I’m supposed to plug it in.  Heh, heh, I said plug it in.

If the baseball season ended today, the Royals would be in the playoffs.

Happy Passout to my Jewish readers.  I’m celebrating with a glass of HE’BREW - The Chosen Beer.

Hot girls in bikinis judge a farting contest.

Sad Kermit sings a song made popular by Johnny Cash - Hurt. 

The 2007 Office Prank Awards, also known as The Prankies, is accepting entries during the month of April. 

It doesn’t appear the pranks had to have taken place during a certain period of time, so I’m going to compile my “greatest hits” and submit them.  I’ll leave out 2005 to present as the statute of limitations hasn’t expired.

Won’t you come and join the party, dress to kill.

Benny