Archive for June, 2007

I had a sales seminar yesterday, and was introduced to more three-letter acronyms. Sweet. I was committed to leaving if there was any role playing. There wasn’t, so I stuck out the two hours.

Afterwards, I had to hustle to make a sales call. I always look forward to meeting people that I’ve spoken with over the phone but haven’t met. And by people, I mean women. This particular one ended up looking like Jessica Alba. I will get this deal.

The new iPhone goes on sale today. Yeah, I know the picture is an iPod, so STFU.

The BET Awards were on Tuesday and last night was the NBA Draft. Does it get any better than that?

Have you ever been in a golf tournament, taken a picture with Whitey Herzog, and not known who he was?

Neither has Gina Party.

Victoria’s Oldest Secret (Warning: Contains nudity, or at least something close) – Thanks Ken, B.

Remind me never to fly to St. Martin.

Kenny can play the skin flute.

I feel summer creepin’ in, and I’m tired of this town again.

Benny

Hey, thanks for all the beers. I’m keeping a list of donations and will add a “Bought Me a Beer” page soon. 

As regular SOB readers know, Dani-girl isn’t shy about having her pictures displayed on the website. I only wish I had a camera when I ran into her and her family the other night. Her voice introduced us, but her eyes said, “Please don’t say anything about The Summer of Benny.”

I didn’t.

The biggest innovation to ever hit Chinese restaurants is placing a number next to each item. Without them, I doubt I would ever order Chinese takeout.

I’ve never understood how so many immigrants refuse to learn English. If I was moving to a foreign country, learning the native language would be at the top of my “to-do” list. In fact, the first words I would learn would be, “Go f–k yourself.” I think all nationalities use this expression in some form or another. It always seems to come in handy when you’re in traffic.

Stupidity Tax Offense: Someone hears you singing and says, “Don’t quit your day job.” – Cha Ching! $10.

Will Ferrell in Good Cop, Baby Cop (Warning: Contains profanity

High Firefighter

Arrogant dude gets KO’d (Warning: Contains profanity) – Thanks, Ken B.

British bride farts after 4 years of courtship.

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it’s dark.

Benny

kfc

This shouldn’t add to any stereotypes.

“If 40 is the new 30, why isn’t 17 the new 18?”

I uttered this line in an attempt to relieve an uncomfortable situation after discovering a girl we were admiring at the pool was 17. I repeated it to some college buddies and they said I was sick. I only mention it because Vance H. thought it was one of the funniest lines he’s heard in a while.

Have you ever gone into a nice restaurant, been asked by the hostess for your smoking preference, and responded, “Weed”?

Me neither.

I spoke with Dentist to the Branson Stars, JR Whatley, today. We hadn’t talked in a couple of years but he knew about the SOB. He said, “I go on there about once a week. I need my Dani-girl fix.”

Those aren’t buoys.

Thanks to TJ for sending the following email: 

I usually don’t pass along these “add your name” lists that appear in my email, but this one is too important. This one has been circulating for 6 months so please keep it going.

The Petition!

To show your support for Hillary and encourage her on her run for President of the United States in 2008, please add your name to the rapidly growing list below and send it on to your entire e-mail list.

1. Bill
2. Chelsea
3.

Keep it moving.

Drunken face plant

Farting preacher

Am I living it right?

Benny

hass

I went to Parties in the Plaza yesterday because I don’t like to miss parties. I was talking with a cute girl who told me that she doesn’t have to drink to have a good time, and doesn’t mind always being the designated driver.

I promptly asked her to marry me.

She said, “Yes” but I lost track of her when I went to get a beer.

Optical illusion – Thanks, Mike F.

Why premarital sex is a good thing – Thanks, Mike S.

Easy like Sunday morning – Thanks, Ken B.

How to put on a bra – Thanks, Tory K.

Ever been this drunk? – Thanks, John M.

And this is Benny’s new definition of summer madness.

I got my electric bill today and realized the reason my bill is higher in the summertime is not because of the air conditioner. It’s because I empty the ice maker into a cooler everyday.

Have you ever gone onto WebMD.com, clicked on male genitals, input your symptoms, and been diagnosed as either having Mumps or Chlamydia?

Me neither.

Someone recently sent an email asking if a wet dream meant something different to me?

Yes.

Heard on the radio: “PETA – People Eating Tasty Animals.”

Someone took a picture of me hanging out on the beach. (Warning: Contains nudity) – Thanks, TJ.

What it all comes down to is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet.

Benny

My liver is pissed, and we’re not speaking right now.

Over the weekend I went to a buddy’s house before we hit the bars. I don’t want to use his name for fear of reprisal, but let’s just say he and his crew are considerably younger than me.

Anyway, we were watching Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock ‘n’ Roll in his basement on the HD music channel.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, the documentary chronicles Chuck Berry’s return to the Fox Theatre in St. Louis to celebrate his 6oth birthday. Keith Richards puts together a band that includes Robert Cray, Eric Clapton, himself, and pianist Johnnie Johnson.

As the concert began, I was informed that we needed to “get the party started.” Apparently, that meant playing crappy music by people I had never heard of like Rhianna.

Loudly.

I was forced upstairs to watch the remainder of the movie, and was later told that I may be getting old.

Kids, this is not an issue of age, but of coolness. I seriously doubt there will be a documentary that chronicles Rhianna’s lifetime achievements in music.

But the host put everything in perspective when he said, “Hey, I just listen to what the p-ssy listens to.”

Touché.

Best Google Ad of 2006, and more. – Thanks, Dani-girl.

Sesame Street in the Hood (Warning: Contains profanity) - Thanks, Sheila L.

Rodney Carrington – Show Them to Me (Warning: Contains profanity & nudity) – Thanks, Leo K.

Hot Girl Prank

First Date Honest Answers

Never said that I love you even though its so.

Benny

Good news, bad news…

I installed a new application for photos, but by I accidentally deleted the old one. Fortunately, I have backups of the albums, so I’ll get them reloaded soon.

In the meantime, you can see pictures of Tomapalooza and the Pool Party on the new site.

Happy Father’s Day to all dads, especially Issac. It seems like only yesterday when you got the test results back.

Tom turns off his phone on Father’s Day. He wants to avoid the same kind of calls Ike received.

TGIF. And by TGIF, I mean thank goodness the NBA season is finally over.

I wonder what Father’s Day is like for an NBA player? They must be busier than a two-dollar whore on nickel night.

You know we’ll have a good time then.

Benny

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