My mom gave me a one of those cool lever pull wine openers when I was home last week. It also came with a foil cutter. I don’t think she realizes it, but that’s like handing a razor blade and straw to a cocaine addict. They’re going to find a way to use them. I’ve drank four bottles of Cabernet this week.

Would someone please arrest this douche bag already?

SOB Late-Night Joke of the Day

Tom Cruise’s latest film, Lions for Lambs, which opposes the war in Iraq, flopped at the box office last weekend earning just $6.7 million. When asked about the disappointing turn-out, Cruise said, “I guess our advertising surge didn’t work.”

Tisket! Tasket, baby! A green and yellow basket. Sent a letter to my baby. On my way I passed it.

Benny

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