It’s Good To Be King
 I could never run for President. Not because I wasn’t born a citizen of the United States. I was. And I’m over the minimum age requirement. But the things uncovered in a candidate’s past can be brutal. In April 2002, Bill Clinton revealed that he tried marijuana when he was a college student, but “never inhaled.” Whatever… Days before […]
Happy Birthday To Me
 How did I celebrate my birthday last weekend? My buddies took me to a strip club? Hardly. A trip to the track? I wish. Nope, I spent the day at a pet parade. I got to see dogs prancing around in costumes while trying to avoid stepping in their shit. Man’s best friend, my ass… I gave […]
Whole Lotta Rosie
 After putting it off all week, I decided to clean the puke out of my carpet. Normally I would have used something mild like Woolite. But this was a dirty job, so I brought out the big gun: Goof Off – The Ultimate Remover. This stuff is advertised to easily remove everything from dried […]
Slippery People
 I ran into someone today I haven’t seen in a while. The encounter happened as I was walking out of a bathroom. Thankfully I had just washed my hands, so I didn’t feel bad when he extended his hand to greet me. But I’m always running into people as I leave a bathroom. The problem […]
Smells Like Teen Spirit
 I didn’t write yesterday because I was sick. A bunch of us thought it would be a good idea to have a party at Tom’s on Sunday, and yada, yada, yada, I got home at midnight and threw up. That reminds me…I need to call the carpet cleaners. Every MLK Holiday, I am reminded of a […]
I’m A Believer
 Warning: Some of the links below contain nudity and profanity. Viewer discretion is advised. In other words, don’t look at this crap at work unless you’re really good friends with the IT guy. – Be careful if you ever order a blow-up doll on the internet. Thanks, Tory K. - I thought this was a fairly honest beer […]
One Toke Over The Line
 Vile weed… The spring semester had just ended during my freshman year of college. My first year away at school had been everything I had hoped for. Except I rarely went to class. My dad called me the night before I was coming home with some good news. He had gotten me a job for the summer working at […]