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milk carton 

I admit to following the Britney Spears saga. The poor girl can’t go anywhere without a flock of paparazzi in tow. But I think I have a solution – get out of Hollywood and come spend a month with me.

Who needs Dr. Phil when you have Dr. Benny?

I’ll hide her in my apartment and get her everything she needs – smokes, liquor, burritos, whatever. The paparazzi will eventually get tired of following my dumb ass to the store and leave. That or I’ll lead them to Dani-girl.

Britney can spend her days dancing around in her underwear while I wait for the new furniture and flat screens to arrive.

She’s very much in love with me, and we would appreciate it if you would cease and desist, and allow us to pursue our courtship unfettered.

I.F.H. Monday’s is a spoof on T.G.I. Friday’s commercials. NSFW

It’s Britney, bitch.

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