I’m in a bad way tonight. Earlier today some crazy chick in the gym must have mistaken my ‘how’s it going’ nod as a sign I wanted to engage in a conversation.
“I wish it would snow. Don’t you just love the snow?” she asked.
“No,” I answered.
I wanted to say, “I guess it’s okay the first couple of times, but I’m ready for spring you frickin’ psychopath. Why don’t you go over to the water cooler and pour yourself a nice cup of STFU?”
I’m sorry, but I’m a little on edge. I gave up fast food and self-gratification for Lent. The former hasn’t been so bad, but the latter was made more difficult after I caught a few minutes of Natalie Gulbis on the Golf Channel.
I would love to be her caddy. In fact, let’s record a video of me singing for the job. I’ll pull a Weird Al Yankmydick, and turn Toby Keith’s Who’s Your Daddy into Who’s Your Caddy? Or The Ramones’ I Wanna Be Sedated becomes I Wanna Be Your Caddy.
Any suggestions? Shoot me an email. I’m going to Burger King and rub one out on the way.
-Â Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this. NSFW
– Nothing cheers me up more than a little McLovin. NSFW
I can’t control my fingers. I can’t control my brain. Oh no no no no no.