Love Me With A Feeling

 

Man, I miss college. 

I didn’t get much sleep last night because my neighbor the porn star had his girl screaming again. I told him that I’m calling the cops to report a rape in progress the next time I hear her Meryl Streep fake ass orgasms. He’s been warned.

I still can’t believe my new oven is Jewish. I’m cooking a ham on Easter.

Someone suggested that I should keep readers updated on my weight loss. Even better, they suggested posting “Before” and “After” pictures. First of all, I gained two pounds last week. Second, I’ve been fat for a while now, so there are plenty of before pictures. What am I – Jared?

One leg in the east. One leg in the west. And me in the center trying to do my best.