Everybody’s Talkin’

 

I decided to boost my weight loss efforts, so I bought a can of Slim-Fast. I had a delicious shake for breakfast, another one for lunch, and nine Seagram 7 & 7’s for dinner. I used Diet 7-Up to keep it sensible.

Slim-Fast needs to be investigated for misleading advertising. Their label states that a single shake “controls hunger up to 4 hours.” That might be true if I lived in Zimbabwe, but I was ready to run to Taco Bell after 45 minutes.

It’s been almost a year since I began my boycott of cable. That streak is in jeopardy thanks to the local Fox affiliate. They used to show Seinfeld at 10:00 directly following an hour of local news. Now I have to wait until 11:30.

In its place they offer up something called Fox 2 News Edge. Apparently sixty minutes wasn’t enough time to cover all the shootings and carjackings. TMZ is shown at 10:30, and Access Hollywood follows at 11 o’clock.

WTF?

I would rather watch a Seinfeld rerun for the 200th time instead of seeing where Lindsay Lohan bought a cup of coffee.

– Haitian weather report.

– 50 words women really hate.

– Tom Mabe handles a telemarketer. Thanks, Mark K.

– Jaws 5: The Great White Shock.

I don’t hear a word they’re saying; only the echoes of my mind.