East Bound And Down

Loaded up and truckin’…

Pictured today (left to right) are Freddie R., Chuck H. and his two sons, Kyle and Vance… wearing SOB T-shirts to the NASCAR Sprint All-Star Race last weekend at Lowe’s Motor Speedway.

I’ve been drinking whiskey neat all night because cold beer hurts. I must have chipped a tooth or something. I hate do this, but I may have to go to the dentist.

When they pull that needle out, I let the expletives fly.

I’m going to add a couple of pages to the website during the next couple of weeks.

An About page will include an interview I recently did with Rolling Stone magazine. And by Rolling Stone, I mean me.

The other page will list Goals I’ve set for myself this summer.

For example, pad my resume, and go to a job interview that I have no intention of getting. “Well, I did my undergraduate work in Agricultural Engineering at Iowa. I completed my Master’s Degree in Biosystems at Michigan State. And I believe I’m the ideal candidate for VP of Operations at Midwest Ethanol.”

I’ve always wanted to ask, “Do you drug test?” during a job interview. “Because I went to a Van Halen concert last week, and, well, you know… contact high.”

Another thing I want to accomplish is to run a 5K. There’s a race in July that also includes a 1/2 and 1/4 marathon, but here’s the intriguing part - the 1/4 marathon (6.5 miles) starts ten minutes before the 5K (3.1 miles) – and both races end at the same place. They just have different chutes.

The plan would be to finish my 5K at the same time as the 1/4 marathon winner. I’ll sprint down the wrong chute ahead of him, and break through the tape with my arms raised in victory.

My middle brother did the same thing in high school during a combined Varsity/JV mile race, and it still makes me laugh.

Feel free to send other ideas for my summer goals. But don’t include things like, “Get your shit together.” I have that earmarked for October.

– Check out the quote from the owner of a funeral home that had their license suspended for using two unlicensed embalmers.

– She’s the one. Thanks, Sheila E.

– Have you seen my neighbor out training her dog? Thanks, Tom B. NSFW

We’ve got a long why to go and a short time to get there.