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I receive dozens of spam emails a week wanting to help increase the size of my manhood, be a better performer, or improve lost stamina. I’m not concerned with the latter two as much as I am with the first.
You can say what you want about how I shot it too quickly last night. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here while you insult the size of my yogurt slinger.
Subject lines of emails I’ve received this week…
The greatest pleasure tips ever
Give her a climax every night
Make her tremble with passion!
Find out how your length can grow
Perfect stamina and hardness!
Your medical answer to growth problems
Make your own xxx timetable!
Trick her into bed
Tent your trousers with your new rod
Okay, so I actually opened the “Trick her into bed” message, and the last one made me laugh. But what is the big deal with stamina anyway? There’s nothing wrong with hurrying things along so you can catch the second half kick-off.
You know, I faked it.
Once I was swimming cross Turtle creek. Man them snappers all around my feet.
So I am not sure if you have even heard of Missy Eliot…but she sings an old- school precious little song called “one minute man” (with my man ludacris and lead leady trina) ….take a read and now you know girls don’t want no “one minute man”:
Ooooooh, I don`t want I don`t need, I can`t stand no minute man
I don`t want no minute man
Ooooooh, here`s your chance be a man take my hand understand
I don`t want no minute man
[ludacris]
It`s time to set yo` clock back bout as long as you can
I stop daylight, it`s ludacris the maintenance man
Get your oil changed, I check fluids and transmission
You one minute fools, you wonder why y`all missin
On the back of milk cartons and there`s no reward
No regards, close but it`s no cigar
A hard head make a soft ass, but a hard dick make the sex last
I jump in pools and make a big splash
Water overflowin, so get your head right
It`s all in yo` mind punk so keep your head tight
Enough with tips and advice and thangs
I`m big dog, havin women seein stripes and thangs
They go to sleep, start snorin, countin sheep and shit
They so wet, that they body start to leak and shit
Just cause i`m an all-nighter, shoot all fire
Ludacris, balance and rotate all tires
[trina]
You know lil` mama ain`t with that quick shit
You better break me off stiff tongue or stiff dick
One minute, two minutes, three minutes
Hell naw, to please me you gotta sleep in it
I see you talk a good game and you play hard
But if I put this thing on ya, can you stay hard?
If not, you better keep your day job
Cause i`m looking for a man to make me say God (god!)
I`m off glass and you know this
I`ll work your ass out like aerobics
So baby stay focused
Start off slow and then speed it up
Baby show me what you got, is you a g or what?
If you can`t beat it up then eat it up
Put a cherry on top, whip cream it up, what?
Thanks for another example of shitty music. And by music, I mean rap.
Benny,
You know you loved that time it was dance party central in Tom’s basement to Umbrella ella ella instead of watching that Hootie and the Blowfish special!!
your a closet rap fan…haha
King,
You guys didn’t turn off a Hootie and the Blowfish special to listen to Rhianan. You turned off Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock ‘n’ Roll.
And where I come from, that’s just wrong.
I’ll respond for Greggers: “Potato-Pa-ta-toe that’s my motto”
I believe you meant to say, “Tomato, To-ma-to.”
did I really get the saying wrong??? whoops…i will just stick to standing here and smiling trying to look pretty….
Benny, forward the How your length can grow email, that’s like money you can never have enough. Your latter two problems one fix Grey Goose and Red Bull, you’ll be begging the lil fella to go down.
you do that so well Dani-girl. Your probably just still craving my famous grilled cheesy potatoes.
So is opening day this weekend?? maybe get the green cooler out with a few sauces, some water vball, Mrs. T, and thong girl outta kick it off right!