All I Wanna Do
 The news that Anheuser-Busch may be sold to an overseas company is more depressing than hearing stories about breast reduction surgery – which, in my opinion, goes against the laws of nature. Sorry, but some girls were meant to have really big boobs, and I was meant to stare at them. Get a good look, Costanza? If […]
Won’t Get Fooled Again
 ET phone home… One of the worst things I ever did happened during the summer after my high school graduation. I think I was supposed to be mowing the lawn or something, but floating around the pool drinking dad’s beer seemed like a better idea. I had the place to myself until I heard two […]
Shattered
Looks like more than one Big Brown got taken down last weekend. I’ve noticed lately how much I appreciate the self check-out machines at the grocery store. The benefits of avoiding interaction with other humans are immeasurable. For example, I don’t get upset anymore when the girl ringing my groceries stops working, and says to a co-worker, “I’m fixin’ […]
New York, New York
Start spreading the news… No, I’m not in New York for the Belmont Stakes. I will, however, be watching Big Brown’s attempt at the Triple Crown from the friendly confines of the Melrose Place pool. My first trip to the track was in 1984 when a friend and I were in L.A. for the Olympics. We had […]
Jesus He Knows Me
 During a meeting today, I discovered that a customer was good friends with a former high school buddy of mine. Actually, we started hanging out in the 7th grade, but our friendship soured when he became a Born Again Christian shortly after college. I didn’t have a problem with him being born again. He […]
Slide
The weather finally cooperated, and we got our opening day at the pool. After last week’s debacle, I didn’t bother watching any forecasts. I woke up, saw the sun and packed a cooler. Why does the local weather forecast last longer than 30 seconds anyway? Tell me what it’s supposed to do today, show the extended forecast and move […]