Me And My Uncle

 

Watching the DNC this week I can’t help but think about the issue of alternative fuels. I never thought corn-derived ethanol was the answer. Using a food source for fuel when billions of people are starving around the world seems like a dumb idea to me. We need to find ways to create fuel from sources that will never be depleted or dependent on foreign countries.

A couple of ideas come to mind.

First consider using methane gas from cow farts. Research has already shown that cow toots are a big contributor of greenhouse gas emissions. A bag could be strapped around the ass of every cow to capture the gas which could then be used to fill our tanks. And when a cow reaches a certain age, it would be chopped it into delicious cuts of steak.

Another idea, which I’ve mentioned before, is finding a way to use human urine as a source of energy. Think about it – whenever your car runs out of gas, you would simply remove the gas cap and pee (women would require a funnel). I hope this idea comes to fruition some day because I could drive my couch to Cleveland.

I know my uncle. He’s as honest as me. And I’m as honest as a Denver man can be.