When I first discovered internet gambling, I got the same feeling Crowe Dog did after hearing Lance Bass was gay – “So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”
I would rush home from work, make myself a White Russian (I had just watched The Big Lebowski), print out the Daily Racing Form, and click the horse racing tab on my favorite gambling site.
One night, I was watching a race from a live feed, and noticed the same race was still open for betting.
So I decided to test my theory. I watched the next race finish, and then placed a $10 exacta with the winning numbers. The website accepted my bet, and fifteen minutes later, the winnings were added to my account.
I placed small exacta wagers the rest of the evening after watching races from around the country. All of my bets were accepted – and paid. I went to bed with my account balance over $2,700.
I came home after happy hour a few days later to find the site had left the last five races open from Louisiana Downs. I quickly went to another site that provided horse racing results. I wrote down the last five at LaD, and placed $10 straight trifecta bets with the winning combinations.
For those not familiar with horse wagering, a trifecta is a bet in which the bettor must select the first three finishers in exact order. In other words, I have a better chance of a snagging a threesome with Jessica Alba and Jennifer Anniston than hitting five trifectas in a row.
I went to bed (passed out) after placing the bets, and awoke the next morning with a huge boner. Don’t kid yourself about the reference to my penis. It had nothing to do with horse racing. I wake up that way every morning, and just like talking about it.
My account balance was now over $13,000! Okay, I admit that did cause a boner. I tried placing a bet on a football game, but received a message that I needed to call customer service.
When I called I was immediately transferred to a manger. I think his name was Lou.
“Looks like you had some kind of night,” he said.
“Yeah, I was on a roll,” I replied.
“I think we both know what happened, don’t we?” he asked.
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you hit five straight trifectas in row?”
“Like I said, I was on a roll.”
He paused for a few seconds as I listened to clicks being made on a keyboard in the background.
“Are you on our website right now?” he asked.
“Can you see your account balance?”
“Hit your Refresh button.”
And like that, my balance of over $13,000 was reduced to $0.
“Do you have anymore questions for me?” he asked.
“Yeah, what time is the first post at Keeneland today?”
I got the horse right here. The name is Paul Revere. And here’s a guy that says that the weather’s clear. Can do, can do, this guy says the horse can do.