Archive for January, 2009

Broken Ankle and The Gout

As if a broken ankle wasn’t enough, now I have gout in the same foot. Sweet. But the good news is my doctor refilled my pain pills.

I often ponder the mysteries of life. My top three are:

  1. Why are we here?
  2. What happens when we die?
  3. How did Seal end up with Heidi Klum?

If you ever find yourself in Alton, IL, stop by Mac’s Time Out Lounge. I had a couple of Mac’s cheeseburgers and fries last weekend that were incredible. And the pulled pork is also worth a try.

Have you ever had to watch a video on sexual harassment for work - and couldn’t stop thinking how hot the chick in the video was?

Me neither.

I have stood here before in the pouring rain. With the world turning circles running ’round my brain.

The following is from an e-mail I received today.

In a few short days, an African American man will move from his private residence into a much larger and infinitely more expensive one – owned not by him – but by the taxpayers.

A vast lawn, a perimeter fence and many well trained security specialists will insulate him from the rest of us.

But the mere fact that this man will be residing in this house should make us all stop and count or blessings – because it proves we live in a nation where anything is possible.
 
Many believed this day would never come. Most of us hoped and prayed that it would, but few of us actually believed we would live to see it.

Racism is an ugly thing in all of its forms, and there is little doubt if this man had moved into this house fifteen years ago, there would have been a great outcry – possibly even rioting in the streets.

Today, we can all be both grateful and proud that no such mayhem will take place when this man takes up residency in this house.

This man, moving into this house at this time in our nation’s history, is much more than a simple change of addresses for him – it is proof of a change in our attitude as a nation.

It is an amends of sorts – the righting of a great wrong. It is a symbol of our growth, and of our willingness to “judge a man, not by the color of his skin but by the content of his character.”

There can be little doubt now that the vast majority of us truly believe this man has earned both his place in history and his new address. His time in this house will not be easy – it will be fraught with danger and he will face many challenges.

I am sure there will be many times when he asks himself how in the world he ended up here, and like all who have gone before him, the experience will age him greatly.

But I for one will not waste an ounce of worry for his sake because in every way a man can, he asked for this. His whole life for the past fifteen years appears to have been inexorably leading this man toward this house.

It is highly probable that in the past, despite all of his actions, racism would have kept this man out of this house.

Today, I thank the Lord above that I am an American, and I live in a nation where wrongs are righted – where justice matters – and where truly anything is possible. 

OJ

Right about now.

Happy Birthday, Crowe Dog

Well 2009 got off to a great start – I puked on Gina Party’s floor in the guest bedroom after her New Year’s Eve party. And for those of you that don’t know GP very well, she gets absolutely disgusted with vomit or anything having to do with vomit.

Here’s a brief recap from one of my first conversations of the year:

(Benny walks into to Gina’s bedroom and finds her asleep)

          BENNY
(Whispers) Hey, Gina.

          GINA PARTY
WTF do you want?

          BENNY
Where’s your rug shampooer?

          GINA PARTY
Why?

          BENNY
No reason.

          GINA PARTY
WTF did you do?

          BENNY
Nothing.

(Gina sends Tom B. on a reconnaissance mission to the guest bedroom)

          TOM B.
Oh my God!

          GINA PARTY
(Screaming from her bedroom) WTF did he do?

          TOM B.
You don’t want to know.

          GINA PARTY
Did he pee the bed?

          TOM B.
It’s worse than that.

          GINA PARTY
WTF can be worse than that?

          TOM B.
He yakked all over the carpet.

          GINA PARTY
Clean it up, Benny! And I better not be able to smell anything!

          BENNY
Alright. Do you mind if I get something to eat first? Those little wieners you wrapped in bacon were awesome.

          GINA PARTY
No! Clean up that disgusting mess and you can get something to eat on your way home!

          BENNY
Alright. But you don’t have to yell.

Today is Crowe Dog’s birthday.

Some interesting things you may not know about Crowe Dog:

- 1995 Prom King

- Graduated from a Baptist college (Don’t judge) 

- Was a contestant on elimiDATE

- Spends 30 minutes on his hair before going out

- Favorite band is New Kids on the Block

- Survives by eating off the dollar menu at McDonalds

- Brought a girl back to Tom d G’s house one night and told her it was his place – “Hey, he has a two-car garage and I have a car port. I wanted to impress her.”

- Routinely wears a Spartans cheerleader outfit (SNL) to the pool

- Bought a pair of white flip-flops before a guys’ trip to Vegas

- Called me the minute he heard Lance Bass was gay and said, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance.”

Hallelujah!

©2011 The Summer Of Benny, All Rights Reserved