I admit that I’m not the neatest guy around. I mean, I think I’m neat as in ‘neato’, but when it comes to house cleaning, I’ve never been referred to as a neat freak.
The other night, Gina Party needed a wine opener. After I told her there was one in my kitchen, she started going rummaging through my drawers like a crack addict digging through the sofa cushions looking for loose change.
We spent the next few hours drinking at Doug Wetback’s. Afterwards, I decided I wasn’t ready to turn in just yet, so I went to the Melrose Place clubhouse to finish my bottle of Jim Beam.
Who wouldn’t?
I arrived home around 1:30 in the morning to the smell of something burning. After a little research, I discovered that someone (and by someone, I mean probably Gina) had accidentally turned on the stove.
This is where my neatness, or lack thereof, comes into play.
I’ve always considered the top of my stove as an ideal place to keep junk mail, bills and other assorted paper products. But I’ve never thought of it as a potential fire hazard.
I immediately turned off the stove, and removed the smoldering roll of paper towels that was probably minutes from igniting.
I thought about calling Gina to tell her what had happened, but I was too drunk to dial the phone. And she was probably too drunk to answer.
I guess it’s time to either quit drinking or clean my apartment. Oh, wait a minute – I’m moving next week.
Things that make me say WTF?
Have you ever watched The Daily Buzz in the morning? If you’re in St. Louis, it’s on channel 11. This is the stupidest morning show ever.
Watch out you might get what you’re after.