Dance Dance Dance

Here are three things that I’ve moved for years. Not only am I not moving them again – they’re going in the dumpster tonight.

Besides, they all come with a story I probably need to forget. And by story, I mean girl.

Below are brief descriptions of how I acquired each item (left to right).

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I got this little beauty in 2002 when I was staying at the Rio in Las Vegas with Drunkie Drunk. I think it was filled with a Pina Colada or something.

Anyway, we passed out shortly after Medaglia d’Oro finished 8th in the Preakness. I had a sizable win wager in play, but Bailey didn’t have enough horse after the quick fractions.

But I’m telling you something you already know.

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Doggie Style gave me this sterling silver flask before our trip to Hawaii in 1996.

This chick liked doing it doggie style so much, I swear she hiked her leg on the toilet.

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Ah, the highly coveted Hurricane glass from Pat O’Brien’s in New Orleans. I can’t remember the girl’s name, but she was my first fluff.

Since that night, I’ve kept a list in a journal I call, “The Girls That Fluffed Me.”

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Things that make me say WTF?

Banging a girl when your roommate is in the next room, and not making any effort to keep the noise down.

I mean, this practice is completely acceptable when you’re in college.

“Hey dude, did you hear me spanking that chick’s ass last night?” is a commonly heard phrase in fraternity houses all across this great country of ours.

But if you’re over 30 years old, cram a pillow in her mouth.

Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society? Because if you don’t want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don’t you just get in your car and move to the East Side!

I don’t know. But I’ve been told. If you keep on dancing. You’ll never grow old. Come on darling. Put a pretty dress on. We’re gonna go out tonight.