I’ll tell you what – if I could lay this little fellar on his side – and put some covers over him – well, I’d have a statue of myself.
My banker pulled a good practical joke on me. Yes, I have a banker. Don’t you?
I needed a new debit card, so I called him last week. “I’ll get it ordered but it will take about a week to get there,” he told me.
“No problem. Thanks,” I replied.
Only it was a problem when I got it. Now, I only despise a few professional sports teams. The main two are the Oakland Raiders and Denver Broncos. So imagine my surprise when I opened the letter yesterday, and found a Broncos logo on my debit card.
WTF?
Then I had to go activate the f’n thing at the bank today. Man, that makes me sick.
Periodically, I like to send out mass text messages to see what kind of responses I get back. Here’s one I sent last Sunday:
Have you ever used a butt plug?
Lil’ Bro: U know that subject is off limits with me.
Cathy G: 7 times
Tory K: that would be a negative
Sheila E: I’m wearing it now
Tom d G: I’m using one right now. Why?
Dani-girl: Ive had a penis plug my butt?!? Is that the same thing?
Note: Dani-girl was kidding, so don’t get your perverted tighty whities in a bunch.
– The gayest weatherman ever.
– It’s game night.
– Beaver urinates on news correspondent. Drink – I said beaver.
– A Very Whimsical Penis NSFW
– 5 Horrifying Things You’ll Learn When Moving In With A Guy
– Punt return Fail
– Here is an unforeseen design flaw.
– Million Dollar Baby in 5 seconds.
I’m on my way, I’m making it.
I have “plugged” a few women in my life. Does that count as use??? Hope you well. Keep cracking me up……
Go Broncos!
What up benny.. I have like 200 random party pics of the whole crew including you. Do you want me to send them to you. A lot of pool pics too!
Dear Uncle Benny,
As I remember when you were hired as that validation engineer ( still NO Tom D: engineer AND-OR fashion model ) and recieved that very generous offer letter…I have a question. Lets say I interviewed with a local bank and they interviewed me for a position and I went to this interview at a very nice office over looking downtown with some suck ass stiff shirts that put me through a 2.3 hour intervirew to learn after 2.0 hours in that the position I was inquired is NO LONGER AVAILIBLE. Waste of F’n time. But..they insured me that I can make more at a “commission only” position they have that “shadows the other”…in a moment of weakness I say ok. Well…I am unsure of my plan of action at that point…until I come home today with a certified letter offering me the position ( salary ) they told me was no longer availible. Well I signed that offer letter faster than JO JO at a gay bar signing autographs with those guys thinking he was a backstreet boy( alone in the bathroom )…. The HR lady, who was sweet enough to melt butter, calls and confirms the fax. My question….if its too good to be true…???…what are my odds…???
Sincerely,
A.F.F.E.L.
Another Falling For Engineer Letters