Mother

The Ameristar Casino in St. Charles was shut down for several hours on Friday after electrical outages affected video surveillance of the casino floor.

Sounds like Danny Ocean and the gang are at it again.

I’m thinking about running for president in 2012. Here are a few ideas I have for my platform.

Language

English will become the official language. If you cannot speak English, we will provide classes free of charge.

If, after five (5) years, you are still unable to speak English – Adios, Sayonara, or however you say “Good-bye” in your native language.

This legislation will also require the correct pronunciation of the word ‘Ask’.

Grocery Stores

Shoppers coming out of an aisle will be required to look both ways to avoid shoving their cart into another person’s ankle.

Violators will get their ass kicked in the parking lot.

Music

No matter the outlet – radio, satellite, internet, etc… – Any songs that are expected to be played together must be played together.

Examples include:

Led Zeppelin – Heartbreaker / Living Loving Maid (She’s Just A Woman)

Queen – We Will Rock You / We Are The Champions

ZZ Top – Waitin’ for the Bus / Jesus Just Left Chicago

Grateful Dead – China Cat Sunflower / I Know You Rider

The Cars – Bye Bye Love / Moving In Stereo / All Mixed Up

Offenders will be locked in a room for 24 hours, and forced to listen to Nickelback.

Mother should I run for president?
Mother should I trust the government?