My day got off to a good start. I took out the trash before I left for work. You know, because I’m a neat freak.
But then I noticed my blue lunch bag was missing, so I turned around to see if I had accidentally tossed it into the dumpster.
I figured a couple of pieces of chicken and a blue lunch bag weren’t a huge loss, so I left it.
When I got to work I realized my prescription glasses and phone charger were also in there.
I mean, I don’t mind buying a new phone charger, but those Tommy Bahama frames were three bills. Thank you, flexible spending account.
I turned around, and ended up dumpster diving at 9 AM in my khakis and dress shirt.
I invented a fun game to play at work. If you have Instant Messaging, start up a conversation with Nick Burns, your company’s computer guy – email it to yourself – and then manipulate the conversation.
Here, let me show you an example.
Pull the fire alarm
Why would I do that… I could leave right now and nobody would notice
I can’t. I am micro-managed.
exactly. so you can go pull the fire alarm
Then change the conversation, and email it to Nick Burns with a header that reads FW: Human Resources – Co-Worker Threat
Why don’t you pull the fire alarm? I need to get out of this place.
Why? This is a great company to work for. And I love the customers.
And that’s what makes you an idiot. Now pull the alarm or I will attack you in the parking lot.
You’ll be amazed at how fast your computer problems get fixed.
You know a man of my ability
He should be smokin’ on a big cigar
But till I get myself straight I guess I’ll just have to wait
In my rubber suit a-rubbin’ these cars