Archive for July, 2010

Tabloid Headline

I know it’s weird to be in love with a bar, but I miss Ozzie’s. If I could go back in time I would ask it to marry me. Maybe we should’ve had kids to save the relationship. I hear that works pretty well.

They say if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours.

Well, that’s a crock of shit because that former love of my life used to be in walking distance from Melrose Place. Now she’s living downtown driving all the old men crazy.

A new football season is almost here, so I guess it’s time to move on.

Pujols 5
This place is to sports bars what Etch A Sketch is to fine art. It’s nothing more than a restaurant with televisions. But hey, if you want to watch a Cardinals game over expensive beer and food, then this will suit you just fine.

I’ve never thought of Hooters as a sports bar. The waitresses are usually pretty hot though. Just be careful ordering a glass of milk. Some of them don’t have a sense of humor.

Hot Shots
On a scale of 1-10, I give this place a 6. They sometimes play loud music – usually rap or hard rock – during games. But they do have Keno, which is terrific way to get back the money you lost on your 12-team parlay.

Maryland Yards
They have great pizza, but not enough TVs to be considered a sports bar. And one of them is usually showing the NASCAR race. This is perfectly acceptable, you know, if it’s not football season.

This might be the place to watch games this year. They have tons of televisions, which means they are capable of showing every NFL game. This is extremely important if you play fantasy football or are a compulsive gambler. And they could make their own Girls of Syberg’s calendar with the waitress staff. Winner, winner, chicken wing dinner.

Wife cleaning gun. Thanks, Janae.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

Mr. O rides a surfboard behind a boat on El Dorado lake outside of Wichita, KS. There were no ropes – just the wake.

And a song I’ve never heard before.

FYI – This video is NSFW because Mr. O likes to cuss.

Bermudas, flip-flops and a tank top tan
Popped his first top at Ten A.M.
That’s Bob
He’s our president

baseball card

Tomapalooza 2010 was memorable. Except for the fact I don’t remember much. I know there’s another keg left, though. And I can’t wait to see what’s inside.

I want to thank Tom for hosting his own birthday party. That was extremely generous.

But I’ll tell you this – I’ve never seen fear in someone’s face like I did when he thought I was passing out on his couch. Apparently it didn’t matter to him that I bruise easily.

Devo did a good job representing the West Coast SOBs. He’s earned cast member status.

Happy Birthday, Abby. I promise I won’t release the video of you dancing at Trainwreck.

Hey there, all you middle men
Throw away your fancy clothes
And while you’re out there sittin’ on a fence

I’m too worn out to recap the weekend. So this is a good time to release a video of our trip to California.

This was our third and final winery of the day in Napa Valley. Sierra challenged her boyfriend Kevin to a race. Kevin said he would marry her if she beat him. I’ve never seen two people try so hard to win.

Wild man’s world is cryin’ in pain
What you gonna do when everybody’s insane

Saggy Pants

Pull up your f’n pants!

This douche bag nearly ruined my weekend. Not only was I forced to look at his underwear on Sunday afternoon – he also bent over twice to expose his hairy ass crack.

WTF is wrong with these people that refuse to pull their pants up? I mean, am I just too old to get it?


Bottom line…not pulling your pants up makes you look stupid.

And now you hookers and hoes know how I feel.

Yeah, we’re runnin’ a little bit hot tonight.

Lil Chub Wrapper

The weather forecast for Saturday and Sunday – 90 degrees and sunny.

I’ll tell you something, though – I could use a rainy weekend – because I am way behind on my spring cleaning.

Times are tough this summer, too. I had to decide between running the air-conditioner or the ice maker.

The ice maker won.

Have you ever had somebody un-friend you on facebook because of something you wrote on their wall?

Me neither.

Things that make me say WTF?

I have a buddy that is so technology-challenged I once caught him making a spreadsheet by drawing lines on a blank piece of paper.

Then the other day he sends me a vCard from his iPhone that uploaded directly into my contacts.

Story Time

Crowe Dog likes to eat Tom’s food.

Tom doesn’t like Crowe Dog to eat his food.

Crowe Dog hates hot sauce.

Tom now puts hot sauce on all of his food.

Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates

V & D Highway Signs

Shouldn’t the arrows be pointing down?

Here’s an email I received today…

What’s up? You haven’t posted since June 22. Twitter doesn’t count, there are some of us out there that aren’t 13 year old girls. I thought texting was gay until Twitter came along, holy crap what a waste of time, and I don’t do Facebook since I am not a pedophile or a stalker.

– Anonymous

Okay, I know it’s been a while since the last post. Two weeks ago I was out of town for a family reunion. And I took a few more days off last week to enjoy the holiday weekend.

I learned a valuable lesson at my family reunion, though – You can ruin a 5-year old’s day by opening a Kool-Aid Jammer pouch the wrong way.

I mean, I didn’t know the straw was supposed to go straight down. I just shoved it through the other side. That got me a look from a little girl that melted my heart.

But not to worry. She showed me the proper way to open it, and gave me another chance later that day. I made sure I didn’t let her down again.

WTF happened to cans, anyway?

I have to go finish the movie script, now. It has to be completed tonight.

But remind me to tell you about the time I refused to take a pee pill at a buddy’s house – peed on his couch – and didn’t talk to him for over a month.

Never mind…I’ll remember.

Actually, that one might have to wait a while. I’m not sure enough time’s gone by for him to think it’s funny.

Update: I’ve been informed that I can never talk about this incident again.

Driving in to Darlington County
Me and Wayne on the Fourth of July

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