Season Of The Witch

Update: Thank you Mr. O for sending this picture. Dick.

There’s only one week left before the mid-term elections. I know a lot of you don’t follow politics, so here’s an overview of some of the races.

Delaware U.S. Senate

Christine O’Donnell won the Republican Primary as a Tea Party Candidate. Back in the 90’s she appeared on Politically Incorrect and said, “One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar.”

Her Democratic opponent is Chris Coons.

And she is one hot witch.

Connecticut U.S. Senate

The wife of World Wrestling Entertainment CEO Vince McMahon is running on the Republican ticket. The state wants supporters to cover up their wrestling garb when they reach the polls.

The state of Missouri has said nothing on the issue, so I’m wearing my Randy “Mach Man” Savage T-shirt as a sign of solidarity.

Florida U.S. House

Incumbent Democrat Alan Grayson has referred to his Republican opponent Daniel Webster as “Taliban Dan.”

Not cool.

Kentucky U.S. Senate

This race has been downright nasty.

During a recent debate, Republican nominee Rand Paul said of his Democratic opponent, Jack Conway -  “You demean the state of Kentucky.”

Conway countered by asking Paul to explain a night in college where he allegedly “tied a woman up and asked her to worship a false idol.”

And by false idol, I think he meant penis.

I’m siding with Paul on this one. There’s no way I would want stories from my college years in the press.

I mean, remember that one chick that made me wear the Mr. T mask? What a freak.

California Governor

The quintessential career politician, Jerry Brown (D) is running against Meg Whitman (R), the former CEO and President of eBay.

Brown called her a whore. I can’t sell shit on eBay. So here’s to the voters in California electing a write-in candidate, hopefully a porn star.

New York Governor

Two Italian-Americans are facing off – Andrew Cuomo (D) and Carl Paladino (R).

And then there’s Jimmy McMillan, founder of “The Rent Is Too Damn High” party – who hasn’t paid rent since the 1980s.

I don’t care who wins – just find a way to keep the state’s horse racing tracks open. I’m going to be pissed if I come out of retirement, and the only east coast race to bet is a $5k claimer at Calder.

You got to pick out every stitch