Note to Santa Claus

It is impossible to lose weight during the holidays. Well, not impossible, but it’s pretty difficult when you lack willpower and self discipline.

My Christmas List is short this year. I mean, what do you get the man who has nothing?

Dear Santa,

I would like to see a new reality show called ‘Bartman and Brotzman’.

It would star Steve Bartman, the guy who cost the Cubs a shot at the World Series in 2003 – and Kyle Brotzman, the Boise State player who missed two kicks this year against Nevada.

I don’t mean any disrespect to either man. I just think it would be cool if they hung out together, you know, with a camera crew in tow.

I would also like to be on Celebrity Rehab. I’m not a celebrity, and I don’t need rehab. Wink. But it seems like a good place to meet slutty women.

Finally, I would like to ask for world peace. The only catch is you might have to take out millions of potential terrorists. Your call.

I hope you enjoy the egg sandwich. I ate all of the cookies.

Your friend,

Benny

Or Daddy looked a lot like him

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