Archive for May, 2011

Tom Fister

Thursday morning I walked out in the rain to find my car had a flat tire. I put on the spare, and drove to a service station up the street. I told the lady attendant I wanted to drop off the tire, and pick it up the next day. She said they would be happy to patch it, and were open “6:30-4:00” the next day.

So this morning I arrive at 6:40.

ME
Hi, I dropped off a tire yesterday, and I’m here to get it put back on my car.

ATTENDANT
We don’t open until 7:00.

ME
Uh, yesterday you told me you opened at 6:30.

ATTENDANT
Yes, we open at 6:30, but the mechanic doesn’t get her until 7.

ME
That’s like saying the gates at the track open at 11, but first post isn’t until 1: 30.

ATTENDANT
What?

ME
Nothing. I’ll wait.

Alright
We’re gettin’ funny in the back of my car
I’m sorry honey if I took you just a little too far, yes
Uh too too far

newspaper headline

The Preakness is this Saturday, but if you caught the last few minutes leading up to the Kentucky Derby, you witnessed a crime. Well, maybe not a crime, but at least reason #748 not to gamble.

One of the so-called experts, Mike Battaglia, correctly picked the winning horse – Animal Kingdom – as they were loading into the starting gate.

But here’s my issue – Mike Battaglia is the official morning line oddsmaker for the Kentucky Derby, and had the horse listed at 30-1.

So why is this a big deal? – Because a lot of people use the morning line to make their picks. When people see a horse at 30-1, they might eliminate the horse from contention. Meanwhile, winners get paid more money when the horse finishes first because fewer people bet on him.

Animal Kingdom eventually went off at 20-1 in the Derby. But I doubt backers would have enjoyed such a big payday if the morning line odds had been 5-1.

So who do I like in the Preakness? A nice day at the pool away from the races. And your mom.

There must be some mistake
I didn’t mean to let them
Take away my soul.
Am I too old, is it too late?

Storm Crew

It’s obviously been a while since I updated The SOB, so here’s a recap of what’s happened since the last post.

March 26th – Tom & Crowe Dog leave for Hawaii

March 30th – Crowe Dog falls in love in Hawaii (not with Tom)

April 1st – Drinking Club at my place after work. From this point forward, Drinking Club meetings will be referred to as ‘DC’.

April 3rd – Picked up Tom & Crowe Dog from airport

April 7th – DC

April 15th – DC

April 16th – Met Crowe Dog’s new girlfriend – went to party at George G’s – I wore my Letterman jacket from high school – kind of a snug fit.

April 17th – DC moved for the day to Crowe Dog’s. We opened the meeting with Mimosas – later switched to beer and grilled.

April 18th – Picked up Tom’s drunk ass at Trainwreck. He had flown in from Denver and felt it made more sense to drink than go home. DC held at his place after.

April 20th – DC

April 21st – Parties in the Plaza with Wile E. Coyote.

April 22nd – Tornadoes

April 23rd  – Tom bought a chainsaw, and we cut down the trees that crashed into Crowe Dog’s house while he was out of town. Local media started referring to the previous day as ‘The Good Friday Storm’ – but I’ll always call it ‘The I can’t believe Crowe Dog was out of town and we got stuck cleaning up his shit… Storm.’

April 25th – DC. D-bag neighbor complained about the amount of bass coming from the country music on my stereo – which there was none – but wow, he’s a grad student and had a paper due. It’s called a f’n library. Google it.

April 29th – Helped Crowe Dog cover the insulation in his basement with plastic. I ate Long John Silvers. That made me feel good about myself.

April 30th – 5k in the AM – then helped Crowe Dog move 27 pieces of sheetrock down to his basement. Trainwreck with him and Tom after – the young kids love their shots.

May 1st – DC (Sunday Funday) moved to Crowe Dog’s. I can’t wait for him to finish his basement so the DC meetings can go back to being held at my place – where they belong.

And I’m not missin’ a thing
Watchin’ the full moon crossin’ the range

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