Arrowhead Stadium Parking – December 26, 2010

The Kansas City Chiefs haven’t won a playoff game in 17 years, so naturally I’d like to be at the game tomorrow against the Ravens. But I have to be at a customer site on Monday morning.

Now I know what you’re thinking – just stay sober and drive home after the game. And that is what makes you a cute kid.

To make matters worse, Dani-girl and Maribeth are going to the game, and tailgating with Lil’ Bro.

Worlds are colliding again.

Dani-girl is from Baltimore and a Ravens fan. She and Lil’ Bro have been communicating via text and email. Below is one of her emails. His replies appear in red.

From: Dani-girl
Sent: Friday, January 07, 2011 9:02 AM
To: Lil’ Bro
Subject: Re: Chiefs Parking & Tailgating

Hey Lil’ Bro-

Thanks for all your help so far…I suppose I dont strongly dislike ALL chief fans lol. I am so excited for the game because a)the f-ing ravens are on fire and b) I have never been to Arrowhead stadium before….and I hear its a real treat. lol

Right now (driving from STL) will be me, maribeth and then my brother is flying directly into KC for the game (based on his arrival time and where we are we will see how to get him to the stadium). We are planning to leave by 5:30am…but I hope sooner than that

I know Maribeth and I would love to hang out for a little bit and have a beer, torture Benny with calls and pictures since he is not coming lol. Upon arrival I will be in touch with you since you will be arriving much before we are (in lot L)….

I do have some random questions (sorry to be such a pain in the ass lol…I just want to make sure I know what to expect and all)…

okay here goes….

1. Does it cost to park in the lot at the stadium? If yes, how much, If no, can anyone park there? Do you need to pre-order a permit? If we cannot park at the stadium- where else would we be able to park and shuttle in? Parking is $22. Since you’ll be arriving later, the upper lots will be hard to get into so I would suggest you enter through Gate 3 and park in Lot L.  This will also guarantee you have a beer with me.

2. What is permitted to be brought into the tailgate? I assume anything but glass? Actually bring any alcohol you want to tailgate.  Glass is fine.

3. What is permitted to be brought into the stadium? I know at Busch…we are permitted “unopened” bottles (plastic obviously) and cans and unopened food. Is this the case at Arrowhead? (If yes I would prefer to bring some minis to have some shots to stay warm…is there a full bar or just beer served?) You can’t bring anything (food & drink) into Arrowhead. They do a half-ass pat down so it’s pretty easy to sneak stuff in.  I do it all the time and small airplane bottles are extremely easy. Just don’t put them in your purse or bag as they will check that more thoroughly.

4. Can we bring in a camera?  Yes

5. I know the weather is pretty similar in KC as STL…so would you say to just wear a few layers, maybe a hat and gloves and like boots? (I know Arrowhead is a real stadium without a dome- as is the ravens lol). Tailgating is a little different than sitting on cold concrete. I would make sure you have good thermal boots, stocking hat (by Gucci I’m sure), good gloves and lots of layers. Definitely check the weather on Saturday night as they may be calling for some snow.

6. I heard that the visitor side is more in the “sun” is it worth it to try to sit on this side? I saw tickets in 307 on Stubhub for 37.50+4.95 download fees….this seemed like a good deal right? OR do you think we can get the price even lower on sunday? I dont want to pay more than 50 knowing that online i could get them for 50…but if you think people could be selling like 4 for 150 or something…obviously i would prefer to do it that way.  It’s really a crap-shoot on who will be trying to sell tickets. I would hate for you to rely solely on a scalper and then it not pan out for ya.  Yes, the Visitor side is in the sun but again, it may not matter since it’ll probably be cloudy that day.

7. Are you staying around after the game? if so…where do you think you will head out to? from what i recall there are not real bars right in the vicinity of the stadium…so we would have to go to the plaza or downtown?  I doubt I’ll be hanging out.  I have three kids at home plus Stacie’s 7 year old that we need to get back home for.  There’s a Hooters in Independence, which is on your way home.  We can use someone’s Smart Phone and use the Around Me app to check bars in the area.

8. I am not sure when we are heading back to STL..we are going to play it all by ear…my brother is flying out of STL monday am…so we just have to be at lambert by 9:15am…thats all i know….obviously if we can make it back to stl sunday night somehow fine, if not we’ll just wait until we can or get a hotel….i love spontaneity!  I guess you can do stuff on a whim when you have no kids huh?  Once mine are grown up and gone, life will be different.

OKAY…i think that is all for now- thanks again for your help- nothing like a word from the wise local….

OHHHH one more thing- my brother must eat BBQ while in KC (hes never been before)….so where do you recommend??  You may not have time for Oklahoma Joe’s (featured on Man vs. Food) , which is in Shawnee, KS.  Jack Stack BBQ is awesome.  Smokehouse BBQ in Zona Rosa is good.  Any Gates BBQ chain restaurant is good.  Gates is a staple in KC.  Tell you what.  Zona Rosa may be your best bet for BBQ and bars.  It’s about 10 minutes south of the airport or a 20 minute drive from Arrowhead.  To get there from Arrowhead follow these directions:

I-70 West (towards downtown KC) to I-29/I-35 North

I-29/I-35 North and then stay on I-29 North when it splits from I-35.  I-29 N will go left and I-35 N will go right.  Stay on I-29 N.

I-29 North to Barry Road.  If you go left at the exit, Zona Rosa will be on your right after you go under the I-29 bridge.  If you go right on Barry Road, there’s lots of restaurants (Hooter’s, Chili’s, Applebee’s, etc)  Zona Rosa would be more fun.

Or if you want to hit the Power & Light district, there’s bars galore down there.  This is next to the Sprint Center in downtown KC.  It’s off of 13th Street.  The P&L is a pretty cool place.

thanks

Dani-Girl

I’m exhausted. Go Chiefs.

Well it’s turn to face the stars and stripes
It’s fighting back them butterflies
It’s call it in the air, alright
Yes sir, we want the ball

Jackpot

Today a buddy told me he was upset I hadn’t called him – or at least sent a text message – to see if he was alright after tornadoes blew through his neighborhood last Friday.

He said he had received messages from all around the country, but nothing from me.

Tip of the Day: If there is a disaster – and you don’t want people to worry – post an update to your facebook page.

You know your friends watch the news – and most of them are on facebook – so you have two choices:

1. Keep everyone in the dark – have them send you text messages in a panic – and then reply to them individually when you have some free time.

- or -

2. Make a post from the iPhone you’re always bragging about, and let everyone know that you’re okay.

In his defense, he may have been too drunk to make a facebook update from his phone. I mean, it was Noon on New Year’s Eve. We’ve all been there.

I accepted his apology.

My New Year’s Resolutions for 2011:

1. Lose enough weight before summer, so people at the pool don’t refer to me as “the old fat guy in sunglasses”
2. Find the right Just For Men hair color, so people don’t refer to me as “the old fat guy with with the f’d up hair”
3. Win the lottery
4. Limit the number of sofas I go through to three.
5. Never run out of toilet paper
6. Use candles
7. Don’t have flannel sheets on my bed in July
8. Dust
9. Get more people to listen to country music
10. Shampoo the carpet in my living room
11. Find a way to block Google from knowing my internet search habits
12. Don’t use my online checking account as a way to accurately calculate my balance
13. Change the oil in my car sooner than every 25,000 miles
14. Un-follow people on Twitter that write in Ebonics
15. Quit falling for those ‘make your penis larger’ emails
16. Get a new cell phone with a battery-life that lasts longer than 20 minutes
17. Tell customer service reps located overseas that I want to speak with someone in the United States
18. Buy new socks
19. Don’t be a snitch to my homies
20. Be more polite

Happy New Year’s, bitches.

She’s got the backseat rhythm

It is impossible to lose weight during the holidays. Well, not impossible, but it’s pretty difficult when you lack willpower and self discipline.

My Christmas List is short this year. I mean, what do you get the man who has nothing?

Dear Santa,

I would like to see a new reality show called ‘Bartman and Brotzman’.

It would star Steve Bartman, the guy who cost the Cubs a shot at the World Series in 2003 – and Kyle Brotzman, the Boise State player who missed two kicks this year against Nevada.

I don’t mean any disrespect to either man. I just think it would be cool if they hung out together, you know, with a camera crew in tow.

I would also like to be on Celebrity Rehab. I’m not a celebrity, and I don’t need rehab. Wink. But it seems like a good place to meet slutty women.

Finally, I would like to ask for world peace. The only catch is you might have to take out millions of potential terrorists. Your call.

I hope you enjoy the egg sandwich. I ate all of the cookies.

Your friend,

Benny

Or Daddy looked a lot like him

What’s new? Let’s see…

* Gawker sent an email to let me know their website had been hacked – and my username and password are available on the internet.

* I discovered that I’ll lose more weight if I drink a protein shake after the gym instead of one from Sonic.

* I got a haircut today – and it was just me and the stylist – and she was pretty – and I may or may not have pictured her topless.

* Crowe Dog gave me a 36″ console TV – which brings the total number of television sets in my apartment to four – and not one is HD-ready.

* I bought a big bottle of store brand bourbon for $13.99, and then poured it into an empty bottle of Jim Beam.

You know, livin’ the dream.

You get a line, I’ll get a pole
We’ll go fishing in the crawfish hole

I got my new refurbished stupid smartphone today. Thanks, Sprint.

Dicks.

My mom sent me an email after Thanksgiving asking if I had accidentally taken her remote control home. When I told her I had checked, and didn’t find it, this was her reply:

Did you by any chance unroll your sleeping bag?  The only other place I can think of is the trash.  I looked through all the newspapers (in the recycling bin) and it wasn’t there.  Was thinking maybe it had gotten mixed up with the newspapers.

If you haven’t unrolled your sleeping bag since leaving my house, if you would do that for me I would appreciate it.

Love, Mom

Note: I took my sleeping bag with me over Thanksgiving because it needed to be washed.

That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

My reply:

Yes, I have unrolled my sleeping bag since I was at your house. I washed it last night. The remote was not in there, but I hope you find it.

Her reply:

Thx for looking.  Thought you washed it at my house.  Can’t find it anyplace.

Love, Mom

Okay, here’s the deal. As I noted earlier, I did wash the sleeping bag at her house over Thanksgiving.

But since then, it needed to be washed again.

That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

She still hasn’t found the remote control. But at least I know what to get her for Christmas.

The only thing I’m asking for is a new sleeping bag.

No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day

My apologies to anyone that has sent me an email, text or called since early last week. The touch-screen on my stupid smartphone quit working.

I finally found the time to get to a Sprint store yesterday.

“What’s going on?” I was asked as I approached the check-in stand.

“The touch-screen on my phone doesn’t work,” I replied.

He looked up my account and said, “We no longer honor manufacturer warranties. If you want us to fix this, it will cost $35.”

“That seems a little excessive, but whatever,” I reluctantly agreed.

…30 minutes later

“Um sir, we don’t have a replacement screen for that model, so we’re going to give you a new phone.”

And by new, he meant refurbished.

“That’s fine,” I said.

…30 minutes later

They finally managed to transfer my contacts, and I left with the ‘new’ phone. I made a call once I got to the car, and discovered the earpiece didn’t work.

Back into the store I went.

“Is there a problem?” the same guy asked me.

“Just a small one – I can’t hear the person on the other end of the call.”

He double-checked it to make sure I wasn’t a dumb ass. Then he turned around to talk with the tech guys.

He came back and said, “We have the part for that. They’re fixing it now.”

“Fine.”

…1 hour later

“Okay sir, we have your phone ready,” I was told by a new guy, as he handed me the phone.

It should be noted that the previous guy had gone to lunch and was now in the back somewhere enjoying a Subway sandwich.

I was hungry, too.

I took the phone and noticed the navigation buttons at the bottom weren’t working. When I brought this to the new guy’s attention, he took the phone back to the tech guys again.

He returned a few minutes later and said, “We have the part for this. They can open it back up, or we can order you another phone.”

“Do you smoke crack?” I asked.

“What?”

“I’ve been here for two hours. I’m just assuming you have a drug habit since you’re unable to comprehend time or reality.”

“So you want us to order another one?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“It’ll be here in two days.”

“Fantastic.”

Crackhead.

They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose

A candy cane shaped piece of pork probably isn’t the best picture to use on the first night of Hanukkah.

I’m not trying to be insensitive here. I just don’t have a lot of Jewish friends. But Happy Hanukkah to you both.

Actually, one of them is my financial adviser. And we haven’t spoken since he told me to put everything on the Colts in last year’s Super Bowl.

I invented a new drinking game: Press Release

Rules:
1. Type ‘Press Release’ in an internet search engine
2. Click on any link
3. Take a shot of your favorite liquor every time you read the word ‘Synergy’

You’ll be shit-hammered in less than thirty minutes.

L’Chaim, bitches.

I can see her lyin’ back in her satin dress
In a room where ya do what ya don’t confess