The writers in Hollywood are on strike for the first time in 19 years. Most late-night talk shows, including “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” and “The Late Show with David Letterman,” will immediately start airing reruns.

To honor the picket lines, I will be writing a daily joke taken from the headlines until the strike ends.

SOB Late-Night Joke of the Day

Britney Spears’ new album, “Blackout,” will finish at No. 1 on the charts this week. She credits missing court dates and ignoring her children for the time needed to properly promote it.

Happy Belated Birthday, Dani-girl’s boobs.

I want to express my sincerest gratitude to Tom for inviting a few of us over to his house yesterday to watch the Patriots/Colts game. He passed out fifteen minutes after we arrived, so we ordered a pay-per-view porn movie on his cable account instead.

“Naughty Housewives” didn’t live up to the hype, and certainly wasn’t worth the $12.99 he will be billed.

- This is quite possibly the best Halloween costume ever. Thanks, Braz, Chuck H. and Ken B.

- Here is a reason middle-aged women shouldn’t go to Mardi Gras. Thanks, Ken B.

- I guess I can add music videos along side rudeness and body odor to the reasons they annoy me.

I’m not that innocent.

Benny

Sunday Morning on CBS ran a story on the 40th anniversary of The Summer of Love. A guy who lived through the experience explained that “back then” all of the smart people were hippies.

Right. I guess all the flunkies were goofing off in Houston getting mankind to the moon.

Idiot.

I hope Vance and the boys had fun at the NASCAR race in Dover last weekend. I’m not sure if they stayed through Monday to watch the race which was delayed by a day due to rain. They invited me to go, but I have a job.

Joke

Q: Why can’t OJ Simpson dance?
A: Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

I wrote this joke on the way to work while listening to a gay ass Wham! song.

The penultimate episode of The Sopranos aired on Sunday. I haven’t watched it yet. I just like using the word penultimate.

Never pass out around these guys. (Warning: Contains profanity.)

DUI in a golf cart. The day they setup a sobriety checkpoint on a golf course will be the same day I quit playing golf.

144 Jager Bombs on the Wall – Something to keep in mind for Tomapalooza this Friday night.

So I’m never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you.

Benny

Mother told me, yes, she told me I’d meet girls like you.  She also told me, “Stay away, you’ll never know what you’ll catch.” 

Just the other day I heard a soldier falling off some Indonesian junk that’s going round.

Minus Imus in the morning…  MSNBC won’t be simulcasting the Imus radio show effective immediately.  What am I supposed to watch now? The Today Show?  Give me a break. 

I’ve never been a huge fan of Don Imus, but I enjoyed watching the show because he always had great guests.  Maybe MSNBC can put Countdown with Keith Olbermann in Imus’ spot.

I just puked in my mouth.

The news comes the same day all charges were dropped against the Duke Lacrosse players.  Someone, who shall remain anonymous, told me the Duke students got off because they were rich white kids.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

News Flash – The charges were dropped. 

The fact they had money and were white hurt them more than anything.  The real crime is how a lunatic claimed rape, and a prosecuting attorney seeking re-election filed charges without doing his homework. 

From The Summer of Benny Mailbag:

What do you call lesbian twins?  Lick a likes. – Chuck H.

i have to say i completely DISCREDIT your loyalty to entourage…..you didnt make any mention of the season opener- you are not welcome at tom’s next week……. – Dani-girl.

How ALL business phones SHOULD be answered! GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Press “1″ for English.
Press “2″ to disconnect until you learn to speak English.
And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.  One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. – Mike K.

Ladies, turn those A Cups into D’s with the Winerack. 

Take the quiz: Which Entourage guy are you? 

I loved this – Navy does Hey Ya. 

Ultimate revenge on a cheating ex-girlfriend (Warning: contains profanity.)

Mommy’s alright, Daddy’s alright, they just seem a little weird.

Benny

I think I may drink too much because yesterday I told two waitresses I would mention them on the site. 

If you see Samantha at Hooters or Jenny at The Brew House, tell them I said, “What up?” 

I keep forgetting to tell the joke I heard last Saturday…What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day?  On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wishes they were Irish.

Erin go brawless.

I was busy tonight, so I only have time for a quick joke.  However, I will be working diligently over the weekend on my salute to Black History Month.

Joke of the Day 

A guy phones up his boss’ house, but gets the boss’ wife instead. He asks to speak to her husband.

“I’m afraid he died earlier today,” she says.

The next day, the man calls again and asks for the boss.

“I told you,” the wife replies, “he died yesterday.”

The next day, he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time, the wife is getting upset and shouts, “I’ve already told you twice that he died. Why do you keep calling?”

“Because,” he replies, laughing, “I just love hearing it!”

Find Mattie the lost dog, and receive a $25,000 reward.  A couple from Michigan were visiting St. Louis, and little Mattie went AWOL after their car was stolen. 

I hadn’t thought about this joke in years, but heard it this morning on the radio. 

A farmer has 500 hens but no rooster, so he goes to his neighbor and asks if he could buy a rooster for $100.  The neighbor says, “You can have this rooster.”  His name’s Brewster and he’ll fertilize all your hens.  He’s a real stud.”

So the farmer takes him home and says, “Brewster, It’s your first day so take it slow, okay?”  The farmer puts Brewster the Rooster in the hen house, and then hears all the hens crying and yelling.  Brewster nails every single one of the hens, and then nails a duck and a goose in the pond for fun.

The next morning, the farmer finds Brewster lying on his back, legs sticking in the air, and vultures circling overhead.  The farmer says, “Brewster, I told you to take it easy.  Now look at you.  You’re dead.”

Brewster says, “Shhh.  They’re about to land.”

Man sells dog for beer. – Thanks, Michael O.

Blackuweather’s Ollie Williams beats the heat.

Bruce Dickinson: “Easy, guys… I put my pants on just like the rest of you – one leg at a time.  Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.”

Benny

I think this guy lost his security deposit.  Thanks for the email, Mike K.

A new study implies that your weight affects your car’s gas mileage.  The more you weigh, the less miles per gallon your car will get.  If this is true, I need to seriously consider a diet; or buy a moped.

You got junk in yo’ trunk.

TMZ has a list of celebrities who claim they’re environmentally friendly for driving hybrid cars, but waste thousands of gallons of fuel by taking private jets.

Could there be any more political ads on TV?  I’m starting to miss the drug company commercials.  It seems like months since I’ve heard a reference to anal leakage as a possible side effect.

St. Louis has a unique tradition on Halloween.  Before you give the little runts candy, they have to tell you a joke.  In honor of this tradition, I now give you my favorite dirty joke of all-time. 

(Please stop reading if you find dirty jokes offensive).

Pierre is a French painter with a skinny moustache and wears a beret.  One day, he is painting a nude woman.  When he gets to her breasts, he says, “Madame, you have such beautiful tits.  I would love to suck them.”

The lady says, “C’mon over.” 

Pierre puts down the paintbrush and proceeds to suck her tits.

He returns to painting, but stops when he gets to her belly button.  He says, “Madame, you have such a wonderful navel.  I would love to run my tongue in-and-out of it.”

She says, “C’mon over.”

Pierre walks over, and runs his tongue in-and-out of her belly button.

Once again, he returns to the canvass, but stops painting when he gets to her vagina.  He says, “Madame, you have such a lovely pussy.  I would love to eat it.”

Again, she says, “C’mon over.”

Pierre drops the paintbrush, pins her legs behind her ears, and begins to eat her out. 

All of a sudden, she releases an incredibly loud fart.  Pierre looks down and says, “Don’t fret little fellar.  You’re next.”

I know a little ’bout love.  And baby I can guess the rest.

Benny