SOB Translation of the Day
Quote: “Please help kids go to camp by purchasing a candy bar on the honor system.”
Translation: “Please help yourself to some complimentary candy bars, like you did with Benny’s two 6-inch Subways.”
I found a great way to get through the day. There’s a cute girl that walks into the building at the same time every afternoon. Oh, and she never wears a bra.
Today was the third day I waited for her on the sidewalk. Jackpot! She wore a sleek little black number, and you would’ve thought it was 30 degrees outside.
Sue Ellen Mishke, the braless Oh Henry! candy bar heiress.
– Seinfeld: Scene from The Contest.
– Seinfeld: Scene from The Caddy.
Someone asked me today why I don’t have a picture of my girlfriend in my cubicle. Well, for starters, I don’t have a girlfriend. But more importantly – I’m a grown-up.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand why married people surround themselves with pictures of their family at work – especially when they have kids.
But if you’re a single guy, leave the photographs at home. And Holy Moses don’t use a picture of your sweetie pie as your computer background. The last thing you need during a sales presentation is your prospect remembering the night he banged your girlfriend at a Sig Chi mixer.
You know I ain’t complainin’. Just tryin’ to understand. What makes a woman do the things she does.