I would like to apologize to Jessica Alba. My friend Jane told me that Ms. Alba is in town filming a movie. This was confirmed in a news column today.
In my post yesterday, I questioned how I would ever be able to “bang” her. That was an extremely sophomoric comment. What I meant to say was, how I would like to meet Jessica Alba, shake her hand, give her a friendly hug, shower her with affection, take her to a nice restaurant, get her drunk, bring her home in a limo, and make sweet, forbidden love to her all night.
I feel better, now.
There’s been a lot of talk on the internet the last couple of days about mixing Diet Coke and Mentos. Watching this video link, you will see that the physical reaction results in a spectacular geyser. It reminded me of a girl I loved in college once. No, twice.
Dustin “Screech” Diamond has created a new website because he needs to raise money to save his house. What kind of person thinks they will get complete strangers to send them money just because they created a website? What a loser. Actually, he is selling t-shirts to raise the $250k needed to save his humble abode. Go get ’em, Screech.
Geno’s Steaks in Philadelphia recently posted a “Speak English Sign” in its world-famous eatery. I don’t get this. I’ve never owned a restaurant but I think I would welcome any patron with cash. I can see reversing the idea to ensure an English speaking person on the other side of the counter.
When I place an order at a fast-food restaurant, the language I encounter most is Ebonics. Just yesterday morning, I ordered a sausage biscuit from McDonalds and as the woman was getting my change, she turned to her co-worker and said, “I fittin’ to go on break.”
“Hell, yeah. I hear dat,” her colleague responded. WTF?
And that’s realer than real-deal Holyfield. And now you hookas and hoes know how I feel… Ain’t nuthin’ but a G thing.
Benny