Message In A Bottle
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my birthday party last weekend. Thanks for all of the kind emails and letters (sarcasm).   Sorry Red, but sending a text message to my cell phone telling me to “f**k off” does not constitute well wishes. Since my birthday was on Saturday, I started drinking at 5:00 on Friday, […]
Big Balls
The effects of drugs and alcohol on spiders – Thanks, Mike W. Snatchsquatch needs to mow the yard. – Thanks, Bob F. (Warning: Contains nudity.) The Worst Burglar Ever – Thanks, Michael O. Best DUI Ever – Thanks, Bob F. Mel Gibson hates Jews – Thanks, Larry R. (Warning: Contains profanity.) A guy shoots his buddy, and […]
Fruitcakes
Welcome to the winter of my discontent. I know the days are getting longer, but the extra minute a day is about as noticeable as a fart in a hurricane. Story Time I ran into a chick at a party in college who was in my communications class. After a night of drinking, we went back […]
Flagpole Sitta
Talk about the best part of waking up… I had a demo with an OB-GYN practice this morning.  I felt kind of creepy standing in a waiting room full of women reading past issues of O. Not to mention my suit and laptop made me stick out like a turd in a punchbowl. Finally, the office […]
State Of The Union
Madame Speaker? I just puked in my mouth. Does it bother anyone else that Nancy Pelosi is sitting behind the President holding a gavel? Ted Kennedy looks drunk. Shocker. Thanks to everyone who emailed pictures, videos, and links because I’ve got nothing tonight. A photograph that Democrats don’t want you to see. – Thanks, Tory […]
An Inconvenient Truth
My new definition of “pulling an all-nighter”: Not getting out of bed to pee. I spoke with my Grandma over the weekend. She was watching a news story and told me to turn my television to channel 56. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we live in different states so our cable channels […]
When The World Is Running Down
You Make The Best Of What’s Still Around. A jury in Massachusetts awarded a man $400,000 in his discrimination lawsuit against American Airlines. He claimed that he was a victim of racial profiling. Obviously, it’s wrong to violate someone’s civil liberties because of the way they look. But people have to realize that 9/11 shook us up, and we’re going […]