I Wanna Be Sedated
I’m in a bad way tonight. Earlier today some crazy chick in the gym must have mistaken my ‘how’s it going’ nod as a sign I wanted to engage in a conversation. “I wish it would snow. Don’t you just love the snow?” she asked. “No,” I answered. I wanted to say, “I guess it’s okay the […]
Rock Lobster
 The other day I told a female friend that I wanted to lose some weight before pool season. “That’s what you said last year, but you were still fat,” she replied. Good talk. Her attempt at motivational speaking must have worked because I’ve decided to drop twenty pounds by May 3rd. I weighed in yesterday at a svelte 200. […]
I Can’t Drive 55
Many SOB readers know Dani-girl from her numerous pictures. Few know that under certain circumstances, Abby enjoys making fun of Dani-girl’s words. From wondering how the television works without cable to never hearing of Alka-Seltzer, there is our dear Abby, laughing at Dani-girl’s expense. It seems the tables were turned over the weekend. They were out […]
Mean Street
I flew out of town yesterday, and have but one question for the airlines – Why can’t I listen to my MP3 player during the takeoff and landing? It’s not like the thing is shooting out microwave frequencies. Crap, it’s nothing more than a tiny Walkman. If I’m going to meet my demise in a […]
Don’t Stop Believin’
 Last Sunday morning I typed the first line of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ into a text message and sent it to 25 people. I was curious as to what type of replies I would get. Unlike an email, where all the recipients are listed, the people getting my text message would think it was sent only to them. The […]
A Little Less Conversation
 Several years ago I had a free Southwest Airlines ticket that expired at the end of February. The President’s Day weekend was the perfect excuse to get away for three days, and I settled on New Orleans. After consuming several beers the night before I was scheduled to leave, I called the airline and changed […]
Bust A Move
 Driving Miss Hillary I lost the button on my favorite pair of Dockers pants today. It wasn’t a surprise. The little guy has been hanging on by a thread for months. I guess that’s what happens when you put the stress of a 37-inch waist into a pair of 36’s. I bought a sewing kit before the holidays in […]