Last Two Dollars
 For Sale: 4-Piece Harrah’s Travel Thermos Kit, never used, includes nylon carry bag, 1 liter stainless steel flask and two commuter mugs, cost $11,000, will sell for $10 or best offer. I received an email this afternoon from reader Tim F. He wore his SOB logo t-shirt for the first time during a trip […]
Everybody’s Talkin’
 I decided to boost my weight loss efforts, so I bought a can of Slim-Fast. I had a delicious shake for breakfast, another one for lunch, and nine Seagram 7 & 7’s for dinner. I used Diet 7-Up to keep it sensible. Slim-Fast needs to be investigated for misleading advertising. Their label states that […]
Jesus Just Left Chicago
 I enjoyed watching the day games during the opening round of the NCAA basketball tournament last week. Not because I’m a huge hoops fan. I just like thinking about the housewife sitting down to watch her favorite soap operas only to find out it’s that time of the year again. Did Jane sleep with Michael again? Have you ever […]
Waitin’ For The Bus
 “Park the car.” The SOB drinking season traditionally runs from May through October. I’m not saying we don’t spend an occasional night during the off-season tossing down cold ones. We do. We’re just not in shape for two-a-days yet. Stupidity Tax Offense: When discussing the issue of race, saying something like, “I don’t care if you’re black, white, or […]
Love Me With A Feeling
 Man, I miss college. I didn’t get much sleep last night because my neighbor the porn star had his girl screaming again. I told him that I’m calling the cops to report a rape in progress the next time I hear her Meryl Streep fake ass orgasms. He’s been warned. I still can’t believe my […]
Where I Come From
 I think my new oven is Jewish. The user’s manual mentions something about the Sabbath Feature. Dani-girl explained that this has something to do with Jews not using electricity on the Sabbath. I jokingly asked if that was just another way to save money. What up? “Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means […]
Jet Airliner
Some things just don’t make sense to me… In a speech today, Barack Obama refused to disown his relationship with Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr. The presidential candidate’s spiritual advisor has spewed several anti-American comments. For example, he believes our government developed the HIV virus to kill black people. WTF? The scary thing is that some […]