I had to get up at 5 AM this morning so I could get downtown for a tradeshow. Translation: I had to get up at 5 AM this morning so I could get downtown for a pastry and a cup of coffee.
But the day produced a bit of advice I would like to share. If you ever find yourself downtown, and have a brown snake playing peek-a-boo; find the nearest convention hotel and go straight to the meeting rooms. There you will find the most pristine bathrooms in the country. And if you have enough time to grab a complimentary newspaper – well, you have just struck gold, my friend.
This is in stark contrast of having to use a Citgo crapper on MLK Drive. But don’t panic if you find yourself in this situation. Simply ask the foreigner behind the counter for directions to the nearest hotel. Drive there as fast as you can, and if you’re running out of time, charge the cost of valet parking to your room. Tell the attendant you’re Tim Johnson in room 217.
That reminds me, I would like to thank Mr. Johnson for picking up the $9.95 tab for my wireless internet today.
I spoke with Crowe Dog on the way home about a conversation he had with a homosexual acquaintance. “I told him that me and Rupert are going to Bermuda together, and he said that’s how it all starts.“Â
“That’s not how it all starts. It starts when a guy gets a hankerin’ for some cock,” I explained.
“Even better.”
“Good talk.”
He then said that he had to hang up because he was going to the gym.
“You’re going to the gym?” I asked.
“No. I said I’m going to see Jim.”
“Good talk again.”
- Funny name for a CNN Correspondent based in Mexico.
Now I lie in bed and think of her. Sometimes I even weep.