Send Me An Angel
We met some new friends over the weekend. Maggiano’s had the best chicken parmesan of all-time. And Mac’s Time Out Lounge had the coldest beer. Stupidity Tax Offense: Eating someone else’s chicken parmesan when the rightful owner is passed out. Cha Ching! – $10. I don’t have much time to write today because I’m slaving over […]
Mrs. Robinson
 One semester in college I decided to leave school in pursue of the big bucks – selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door in Champaign, Illinois. I didn’t get rich, but a lot of stories were generated over those three months. This is one of those stories. My boss called me into his office one day with […]
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic
I had two choices to take care of the black marks on the wall above my toilet that were caused by constantly bracing myself. I could (a) clean it, or (b) cover it. I chose (b), but after seeing the picture, it looks like the sign needs to be moved down a bit. I’m a perfectionist. Gina Party […]
Don’t Do Me Like That
 Today’s picture is of my bathroom wall above the toilet – and a good reminder to wash your hands. I walked out of a job interview last Friday. I had no intention of wasting anymore of my time after I walked in and found six others filling out applications. I could hear the douche giving […]
Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It
I found a sure-fire way to make some extra money. With the price of oil and gas at near 2-year lows, I’m going to buy two dozen barrels of light sweet crude oil, and fill hundreds of 5-gallon cans with gas. I plan to keep them in a storage unit until prices go up again. Don’t worry about the […]
Here Comes My Girl
I wish the media would show more coverage of Obama. Sniff. Sniff. Smell that? That’s sarcasm. I haven’t written since last week because I’ve been sick. Writer’s Cock, or WC, is a seldom diagnosed medical condition that causes a decrease in the desire to write due to an uncontrollable urge for pussy. You know, I used to wonder why a […]
Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
My doctor prescribed a new medication for me last week. He said the instructions would contain a laundry list of possible side-effects, but the two main ones would most likely be dry mouth and prolonged ejaculation. I understood the dry mouth but was curious about the other. “Does that mean I’ll have longer orgasms?” I asked. “No, […]