How Soon Is Now?
Another conversation with Anonymous Buddy: ANONYMOUS BUDDY I found a great tip to help boost my brainpower. BENNY Okay. ANONYMOUS BUDDY It said to brush your teeth with your left hand if you’re a righty. But I took it a step further. BENNY I think I know where this is going. ANONYMOUS BUDDY Yep – […]
Black Betty
I peed on it I’ve decided to get serious about my diet, so I’ve eliminated all carbs after 2 PM. Then I piss on this little stick at night to make sure my body is in ketosis. That’s the medical term for not eating french fries. FYI – If you call one morning, and I […]
Red Light
I guess I never realized this before, but I rarely have a conversation with King when we’re both sober. Here’s one from this morning. KING What you got going today, Benny Boy? BENNY Laundry. KING Got a little laundry on the agenda, huh? BENNY Yeah, but I’m out of dryer sheets, and I hate static […]
Throwing Stones
During this time of year I’m reminded that giving something up for Lent is not about making yourself suffer. It’s about giving something up for the benefit of your neighbor. That’s why I’ve decided to abstain from playing a little five on one. I’m sure my neighbor will appreciate 40 days of not hearing porn […]
Whole Lotta Love
I don’t have a lot of romantic Valentine’s Day stories. That’s because I usually try to break-up with girlfriends around birthdays and holidays. Hey, don’t laugh. I’ve managed to save a ton of money over the years using this method. And by save, I mean blew at the track. But one year in college I […]
Amazing
Shop at Sam’s Club much? I want to thank Tom d G for hosting the Super Bowl Party this year – and for supplying the endless amount of vodka and Jaeger shots. Needless to say, I didn’t pay close attention to the game. Shit, I had to get on the internet the next day to […]
Baba O’Riley
Got a little Admiral in you? Every news program I watched today featured some chef or dietician explaining how you can still eat healthy at a Super Bowl party. I don’t know what the big deal is. I eat like I’m at a Super Bowl party every day. Oh, and the chefs try to make […]