If you know King, then you know he enjoys a good time. And if you ever go to a bar with him, there are three constants to keep in mind:

  1. You will drink
  2. You will eventually be asked to leave
  3. He will lose his debit card or cell phone; or both

Now normally I would answer a phone call from King. But I’ve been trying to stay off the sauce for a few weeks – and he has not – so when I heard his ringtone (Steve Miller Band – The Joker) blaring from my phone over the weekend, I didn’t deem it necessary to get of the couch and answer it.

Below is the transcript of the voice mail he left me.

August 6, 2011, 6:05 PM CT

Benny… (unintelligible)… I’m going to share with you a little… I don’t know how to call it here… but a little something my dad taught me… When I got into trouble and he would go to frickin’ smack me… or you know… give me a once over… and I would block him… he would always say, ‘You’re only delaying the inevitable. Put your hands down. Get over this knee. (unintelligible)… going to work you over’… The reason I share that story with you, Benny, is because I think that relates to me calling you… and you letting it ring off to voice mail… Just pick up the phone… You’re delaying the inevitable… Pick it up… I’m gonna give you the once over… and then I’ll stop calling… Instead you’re blocking and I’m going to keep swinging… AKA keep calling… (laughter)… (unintelligible)… I’ll call you back here in a little bit.

He called back 15 minutes later. I didn’t pick up.

Worked all week
Cleaned up, clean cut, and clean shaved
Got the cover off a ’68
I fired it up, and let them horses sing