Bad Boys

 

Because the weekend generated a lot of stories, I’ve decided to take it one day at a time; like a recovery program. I’ll start with Friday night, which was Tomapalooza.

I arrived at Tom’s around 7:00, and felt like I was walking into The Oscars. He had setup a red carpet, complete with velvet ropes, at the entrance.

While everyone scurried around getting his house ready for the party, I sat on the couch and finally watched the penultimate episode of The Sopranos. I got a little perturbed when Dani-girl moved in front of the TV to vacuum, but what are you going to do?

The night contained several confrontations between Tom and me over the music selection. Sometimes I forget that it should be the host’s choice, but I couldn’t take Jay-Z and 50-Cent anymore. A little after midnight, I started to walk the two miles home.

After walking a half-mile or so, I called a cab. I gave the dispatcher the address of the house I was standing in front of, and waited for the cab to arrive.

About ten minutes had passed when I noticed the Po Po driving on the other side of the street towards me. Officer Friendly stared me down, made a U-turn, and pulled behind me. He turned on the flashing lights, and approached me with a flashlight beaming in my face.

“What are you doing?” the cop asked.

“Waiting for a cab.”

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Where have you been?”

“What, are you writing a book?”

“So what if I am?”

“Well why don’t you leave this chapter out, and make it a mystery?”

Evidentially he didn’t find me funny, and asked for identification. I explained that I didn’t have any, and gave him my name. As he started talking into his radio, I started complaining that I purposely didn’t drink and drive, and felt like I was being unfairly harassed.

He walked to the back of the patrol car to escape my slurring, and I noticed my cab driving by, so I waved him over.

He pulled in front of the police car, and before I slid into the back seat of the cab, I yelled, “Adios, Muchambo.”

The driver (think Apu, the convenience store owner on The Simpsons) asked, “Are you in trouble?”

“No, just drive.”

He pulled away, and the officer didn’t give chase.

Watcha gonna do when they come for you?

Benny