Over the weekend, I was reminded of Veterans Day, 1990. Derrick Thomas of the Kansas City Chiefs set the NFL record for most sacks in a game (7). I wasn’t at Arrowhead Stadium that day though. Instead, I was across the river at the dog track trying to find mid-track closers for my quinella boxes.
I followed the game on TV in between races, and watched “DT” almost make his eighth sack on the last play of the game. Seattle Seahawk QB, Dave Krieg, eluded his grasp, and completed a Hail Mary pass to beat the Chiefs. I shrugged my shoulders in disgust, got a beer, and turned my attention back to the racing program.
My first and last grocery trip to Aldi happened on Saturday. I’ve always heard how cheap their prices are, but no one told me that I needed to bring my own grocery bags. WTF?
Balancing the pot pies and frozen pizzas in my arms on the way to the car, I noticed an Entenmanns’s bakery outlet store. “Who the fu-k shops there?” I wondered to myself.
I’ll tell you who – Crowe Dog. I knew our buddy was at home recovering from surgery while his parents uncovered his Playboy collection, so I brought him a cheese strudel.
He was all hopped-up on painkillers when I got there. We started talking about Veterans Day, but I left after trying to convince him that skipping a meal wasn’t considered the ultimate sacrifice.
“Do you know what happens to a butter-based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated English basement?”
SOB Late-Night Joke of the Day
The City of Pine Lawn, MO, a suburb of St. Louis, just passed a new ordinance banning saggy pants. If your pants are not pulled up, you will be slapped with a $100 fine. In a related story, you can no longer find a plumber in Pine Lawn, MO.
Man, living at home is such a drag. Now your mom threw away your best porno mag.
Benny
Does that crazy hobo hang out at Ozzies on Sundays watching football?