My mom came into town yesterday, and left me a bunch of stuff from my childhood. One of them was a poem I wrote about summer. There wasn’t a date on it, but I’m guessing it was from third or fourth grade since it was written in cursive.
And, since today marks the 7-year anniversary of the day I purchased the SOB domain name, I thought I would share this literary masterpiece.
Summer is when spring ends.
Summer is when green grass grows.
Summer is when bees come out.
Summer is when everybody gets up and goes.
Summer is when I like most.
I go north and south.
I go to the coast.
Summer is when you can rest.
Summer is when the robins build their summer nest.
See the curtains hangin’ in the window
In the evening on a Friday night
UPDATE (2/4): What an ass whoppin’. I should have included Game On Dude in the San Antonio Stakes at Santa Anita. Winner.
I’ve picked the last five Super Bowl winners ATS, and today I am going to bury your man. You’ll have bookmakers running for cover coast-to-coast. You’ll be driving around in a new Cadillac with your bookie’s name on the license plate because HE PAID FOR IT!
Sorry, I don’t know where I was going with that. Anyway, my best play in Super Bowl XLVII is UNDER 47.5.
I guess it wouldn’t be right not to pick the winning team, so let’s look at some key factors in the game. Earlier this week, a player on the 49ers said a gay teammate wouldn’t be welcome in their locker room. He later back pedaled on his statement.
But an anti-gay slur doesn’t compare to the scumbag jack wagon that is Ray Lewis. I bet Coach John Harbaugh refuses to let him give pregame speeches. Ray Lewis yells, “Now let’s go out and KILL these guys!” And everybody throws their hands in the air, and slowly backs away.
Bottom line – While there are dipshits on both teams, and the brother vs. brother is a fun angle, there is no bigger hypocrite douche whistle than Ray Lews. PICK: SF -3.5
FIRST QUARTER LINE
Cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
This is what happens when I forget to lock my computer.
I see today with a newsprint fray
My night is colored headache gray
Aaron Rodgers is everywhere
This being Super Bowl weekend, I decided to go back through the SOB archives to see how my picks have fared in the past.
I was surprised to find I’ve picked the last four winners. I don’t think I had any money on those, and I certainly won’t have any on the big game this year. But that doesn’t mean I can’t keep the streak intact.
This year the New England Patriots are favored by 3 points against the Giants. Last week I read about a rapper named Birdman who wants to place a $5 million bet on the Pats. He has a nephew that plays on the team, or some shit. That’s enough for me to root for the Giants +3.
Length of Kelly Clarkson’s National Anthem
Over 1 minutes 34 seconds (-120)
Under 1 minute 34 seconds (-120)
Analysis: Last year the sports books were right on the number with Christina Aguilera. But Kelly Clarkson’s average anthem at a sporting event is 1:31. She’s not a diva like some of the others, so I can’t really see her holding onto notes and getting out of her comfort zone.
Player to score the first TD in the game?
Pick: Victor Cruz (NYG) WR (7/1)
What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team?
Pick: Orange (5/2)
Gator boots with the pimped out Gucci suits
Ain’t got no job, but I stay sharp
Can’t pay my rent, cause all my money’s spent
But that’s okay, cause I’m Still Fly
I renewed summerofbenny.com for another year. I also made just one New Year’s Resolution for 2012: Transfer my domain name to a company that doesn’t fuck me up the ass.
Yahoo! Small Business
Service: Yahoo! Web Hosting Starter (summerofbenny.com)
Order #: xxxxxxxx
Order Date: 05/17/2006
Payment Method: VISA xxxx-3220
Service Period: 01/01/2012 to 12/31/2012
Total Amount Paid: $43.95
I was dreaming when I wrote this
Forgive me if it goes astray
November 15th is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. Well, I did, and found this little gem in my crisper.
I have no idea what it is, or how long it has been there.
But thanks to a beach-based cleanser and sponge my refrigerator is now clean. And apparently, mold-free.
I would like to apologize to Leo for taking so long between blog posts. I have been on Facebook and Twitter, but he refuses to accept social media as an interactive dialogue.
Yeah, I used Google to find a definition of social media.
I won’t bore you with a recap of the last three months. Nothing’s really changed. However, I am on very strict diet. I’ve switched from beer to bourbon.
Down 7 lbs…
Hey don’t you wanna go down
Like some junkie cosmonaut
If you know King, then you know he enjoys a good time. And if you ever go to a bar with him, there are three constants to keep in mind:
- You will drink
- You will eventually be asked to leave
- He will lose his debit card or cell phone; or both
Now normally I would answer a phone call from King. But I’ve been trying to stay off the sauce for a few weeks – and he has not – so when I heard his ringtone (Steve Miller Band – The Joker) blaring from my phone over the weekend, I didn’t deem it necessary to get of the couch and answer it.
Below is the transcript of the voice mail he left me.
August 6, 2011, 6:05 PM CT
Benny… (unintelligible)… I’m going to share with you a little… I don’t know how to call it here… but a little something my dad taught me… When I got into trouble and he would go to frickin’ smack me… or you know… give me a once over… and I would block him… he would always say, ‘You’re only delaying the inevitable. Put your hands down. Get over this knee. (unintelligible)… going to work you over’… The reason I share that story with you, Benny, is because I think that relates to me calling you… and you letting it ring off to voice mail… Just pick up the phone… You’re delaying the inevitable… Pick it up… I’m gonna give you the once over… and then I’ll stop calling… Instead you’re blocking and I’m going to keep swinging… AKA keep calling… (laughter)… (unintelligible)… I’ll call you back here in a little bit.
He called back 15 minutes later. I didn’t pick up.
Worked all week
Cleaned up, clean cut, and clean shaved
Got the cover off a ’68
I fired it up, and let them horses sing